Drinks That Reflect Personalities

Before a man orders a drink for a woman that he notices in a bar, he should be aware of this study. A group of New York City bartenders were asked if
they could define a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

WOMAN DRINKS AND WHO THEY ARE

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is......this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, but be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

MAN DRINKS & WHO THEY ARE

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay.

That's great Boston!

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison.......................

Well, I was was told that people from Birmingham wash their hands in bisons...............

Here is a joke at the highest level. If you fail on your homework about royal protocol this can be the result: God Save the Queen!

A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales.

So he put up a sign that read,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close. The number was 7.
Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck,
along with his brother, Bubba,
pulled in for another fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother,
"I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray.
It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

The London 2012 Olympic Committee today admitted that they made a bad mistake at the end of the Beijing Olympics using a red double decker bus to portray a typical aspect of London in anticipation of this years games. They have said they promise to make up for it at the opening ceremony in July, this time there will be five in a row.................



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-06-16 13:54 by EddieByword.

Royal Wedding Exclusive

Two old friends were sitting together. And one of them said to another one, “You and I hang together for so many years, mate. We went through a lot of things together; we were getting the same ladies sometimes. But there is only one thing we never tried. It is homosexual love. Let’s try it now before we die! And they tried it. After that one of them said, “It seems our friendship is just beginning!”

..................................... anybody know him????



ROCKMAN

Police today made an appeal on TV for information...........adding "don't worry if you're not sure if it's going to be helpful or not, let us decide what's relevant".....................

So...
I thought I'd give them a ring and tell them I'm going to Port Talbot shopping...............



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 2012-07-04 03:10 by EddieByword.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. Life is Short, Smile While You still have Teeth. Give me an Amen Brother!!!

Q: Why did the hipster burn his mouth?




















A: He drank tea before it was cool

Awhile ago walking down into town we pass the cinema, looking up at the billings we see.............

Odeon 1...Elton John live in Central Park......Odeon 2...An American Werewolf in London........................

My mate says........."That's a fair exchange" ...



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 2012-07-16 15:51 by EddieByword.

From the interview with Japanese media on July 12, 2012.

Interviewer : What was your most impressive show in Japan?
Mick Jagger : Well, er...
Charlie Watts : Bluenote Tokyo in 2001.
Mick Jagger : Eh? When?

I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century', he said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPad.'


I can tell you, that damn fly never knew what hit it.

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Photos Kate Middleton topless?......a bit of a storm in an A-cup if you ask me....................

What's Brown and 'Sticky'?






A Stick.

Quote
EddieByword
Photos Kate Middleton topless?......a bit of a storm in an A-cup if you ask me....................

Isn't that, "Tempest in a B Cup"?

Quote
treaclefingers
What's Brown and 'Sticky'?






A Stick.

What's green and dances?



Fred Asparagas.

What's green and sings?



Elvis Parsley.

What's green and floats?



A dead girl scout.

What's the difference between MAdonna and the Titanic. Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Russian joke

One little girl said to her father:
- Daddy, you know, vodka has risen in price. Now, will you drink less?
- No, my dear daughter. Now you will eat less!

Bump...surely time for some new jokes?

Two fireman were butt @#$%& in a smoke filled room

Fire chief shows up & says, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Fireman says, "Sir, this man has smoke inhalation."

Firechief says, "WELL WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIM MOUTH TO MOUTH?"

Fireman says, "I did. How do you think this shit got started?"

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked
her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, then said,
"You're an alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?"
He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,
and Hot".
She smiled happily and said ...
"Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and
the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving
his testicles.

On January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge .
So they stopped., their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a "be-a-legend" opportunity either. So he asked ...
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing
suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Why was Stevie Nicks thrown off a flight from New York to London?

Because one of the passangers was allergic to nuts.

That guy used so many cliches I didn't know half of them...............