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Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: NICOS ()
Date: January 2, 2012 22:10

Great EG I just need a laugh...........after reading the Imagine thread

__________________________

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: TheDailyBuzzherd ()
Date: January 2, 2012 22:25

I dunno, mebbe I have it in for Presidents, LoL:






All I can say here is, someone's got BALLS.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Edith Grove ()
Date: January 2, 2012 22:43

Quote
TheDailyBuzzherd
I dunno, mebbe I have it in for Presidents, LoL:






All I can say here is, someone's got BALLS.

LMAO !!


Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: trainarollin ()
Date: January 3, 2012 00:10

"My doctor told me I had to lose 180 lbs. So, I lit my wife on fire"

"Hear about the Mexican who went to college ? Neither did I "

"Why do the English put ice cubes in their nose ? To keep their lunches cold"

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: boston2006 ()
Date: January 4, 2012 16:25

Cowboy: 'That your dog?'

Indian: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'Mind if I speak to him?'

Indian: 'Dog no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'

Dog: 'Doin' all right.'

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: 'Is this Indian your owner?'

Dog: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'

Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food & takes me
to the lake once a week to play.'

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Indian: 'Horse no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool.'

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?'

Horse: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often & keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.'

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Indian: 'Sheep Lie

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Koen ()
Date: January 4, 2012 17:13

How does Chuck Norris flush the toilet? He doesn't, he just scares the shit out of it.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Erik_Snow ()
Date: January 4, 2012 18:11

Quote
sweetcharmedlife
Why does Santa Claus say ho,ho,ho?
Because three Hoes are better than one.


And you are supposed to be some kind of "humour-judge" on IORR ? You are even more pathetic than I imagined



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-04 18:14 by Erik_Snow.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Erik_Snow ()
Date: January 4, 2012 18:20

-



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-05 17:11 by Erik_Snow.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 4, 2012 18:41

Quote
Erik_Snow
Quote
sweetcharmedlife
Why does Santa Claus say ho,ho,ho?
Because three Hoes are better than one.


And you are supposed to be some kind of "humour-judge" on IORR ? You are even more pathetic than I imagined

Erik, let it drop .
I am sure SCL does it on purpose ,I can't imagine someone posting this kind of stuff & being serious .....it's beyond all jokes .


SCL, would you mind ending with that crap ....like the Towels beach ....I cannot believe you are such a lame .
See, women aren't hoes or beach towels ..stop watching porn .

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Erik_Snow ()
Date: January 4, 2012 18:44

Quote
SwayStones
Quote
Erik_Snow
Quote
sweetcharmedlife
Why does Santa Claus say ho,ho,ho?
Because three Hoes are better than one.


And you are supposed to be some kind of "humour-judge" on IORR ? You are even more pathetic than I imagined

Erik, let it drop .
I am sure SCL does it on purpose ,I can't imagine someone posting this kind of stuff & being serious .....it's beyond all jokes .


SCL, would you mind ending with that crap ....like the Towels beach ....I cannot believe you are such a lame .
See, women aren't hoes or beach towels ..stop watching porn .


You haven't read this guy's posts, directed at me and others, Sway Stones. In fact the first ever ever joke I wrote on IORR was responded by this moron



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-04 18:45 by Erik_Snow.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Stoneage ()
Date: January 4, 2012 19:02

Come on Eric, the joke was so bad I couldn't help myself laughing at it! Sometimes bad jokes are the ones who makes you laugh.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Erik_Snow ()
Date: January 4, 2012 19:04

Quote
SwayStones
I am sure SCL does it on purpose ,I can't imagine someone posting this kind of stuff & being serious .....it's beyond all jokes .

This moron is clamping down on others who are obviously joking, but if you read his posts carefully enough - he has no humour and no shame. He's a doll. And that's 'oll'

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Erik_Snow ()
Date: January 4, 2012 19:07

-



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-05 13:11 by Erik_Snow.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 4, 2012 19:40

x



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-05 13:13 by SwayStones.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 4, 2012 19:42

Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?
A: Designer jeans.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-07 21:47 by SwayStones.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 4, 2012 22:43

A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

lol


This is the kind of joke I can laugh about.
Pepper,paper,beard,bird ,pitza ,pizza ...etc.
How do you pronounce /say it ?smiling smiley

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Edith Grove ()
Date: January 4, 2012 22:49

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"


Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Edith Grove ()
Date: January 4, 2012 22:53

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. --->























<----- Scroll Up.


Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 4, 2012 23:37

Quote
SwayStones
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

The only seat available on the train was next a well dressed middle-aged French woman and was being used by her dog.
The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honour and chastise the American.
An English man sitting opposite spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong BITCH out the window."

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: boston2006 ()
Date: January 6, 2012 10:03

THE HORTH WHITHPERER



A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friendover to look at a horse. His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?' 'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'



So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. 'A female horth.' So he shows him a prized filly.



'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the onceover. 'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. 'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'? The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'?



Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's rear, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.



Ā¢Perhapth I should wepwhrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: boston2006 ()
Date: January 7, 2012 21:45

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said,
'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted
you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said,

'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally
decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said,

'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.............

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: sweetcharmedlife ()
Date: January 7, 2012 22:24

Quote
boston2006
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said,
'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted
you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said,

'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally
decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said,

'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.............
Gee I hope that joke doesn't offend anybody in France...Or Sweden.eye rolling smiley

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: SwayStones ()
Date: January 7, 2012 22:56

Quote
sweetcharmedlife
Quote
boston2006
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said,
'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted
you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said,

'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally
decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said,

'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.............
Gee I hope that joke doesn't offend anybody in France...Or Sweden.eye rolling smiley


she can only fasten eight...fascinate ...
That's a good one ,Boston .smileys with beer

SCl,I am never offended by witticism /pun ..the power of words..


In case you don't know,you're in the doghouse.
Cheers from France



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-01-07 22:59 by SwayStones.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: JumpingKentFlash ()
Date: January 7, 2012 23:03

Quote
Stoneage
Come on Eric, the joke was so bad I couldn't help myself laughing at it! Sometimes bad jokes are the ones who makes you laugh.

How about this one then?


A 94 year old man was waiting at the bus stop. It was alreaady running late, and the old man had no patience. He was looking towards the end of the road, but there was no bus. He waited and waited. At last the bus came. The old man was grumpy as all hell. The bus stopped, and the doors opened. The old man went up the stairs to the driver and then he fell.....

JumpingKentFlash

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Edith Grove ()
Date: January 12, 2012 16:13

****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS ******

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I totally disagree with Kay Jewelers, and would bet that more kisses begin with Absolut Vodka than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first batting helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: boston2006 ()
Date: January 25, 2012 15:38

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob,
and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young
looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine.. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: Carnaby ()
Date: January 25, 2012 16:00

Quote
Edith Grove
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first batting helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.

The theory being you can always get someone to do your thinking for you...

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: EddieByword ()
Date: February 12, 2012 20:18

How many Spaniards/Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb ?


























Juan......................



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-02-12 20:19 by EddieByword.

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: tomcasagranda ()
Date: February 12, 2012 21:17

My grandfather was really treated badly by the Nazis........@#$%& didn't promote him

Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by: EddieByword ()
Date: February 14, 2012 22:20

If you've seen one shopping centre you've seen 'em all......................

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