Exactly, EBW. Don't mention the war!

Quote
Stoneage
At least one person liked my joke then, The Stones! But mind you we have to be careful, this might very well end up in me having to apologize to half of the posters here! Not everyone appreciates WW2 jokes.

Yeah go ahead and make some holocaust jokes. Because those are hilarious right?

No they are not, SCL. There is always a line you have to draw. That doesn't mean that every WW2 joke is taboo. Does it?

Re. Black humour.............there are jokes about everything including the (which one ?) holocaust....some of them funny...........some of them not so funny........one of the best ones I've heard about the Jewish holocaust (as per the WWII discussion) was told to me by a mate who is a jew himself.......albeit non-practising..................

Ask anyone who survived the blitz in Britain at least and they'll tell you black humour was a massive aid in helping them cope.....

On returning home one day to find his house blown up by the Germans a little boy asked his brother "mother's art wasn't that bad was it ?"...............luckily in this case no-one was killed but he was still dependent on the kindness of others for the next 4 years............

And then there's the Aristocrat's joke..................................



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-21 04:45 by EddieByword.

Quote
Stoneage
No they are not, SCL. There is always a line you have to draw. That doesn't mean that every WW2 joke is taboo. Does it?

You tell me what is so funny about death and destruction?

Woody Allen knows what it's all about.

Quote
sweetcharmedlife

Quote
Stoneage
No they are not, SCL. There is always a line you have to draw. That doesn't mean that every WW2 joke is taboo. Does it?

You tell me what is so funny about death and destruction?

If you dig around I think you'll find there's quite a lot..........

Hateful humour..........subjective.........simply depends whose side you're on.......I'd bet anything you found some of the jokes about Osama Bin Laden's death & destruction quite funny.............

Jokes about D & D highlighting the absurdity of this type of resolution process....during WWI the British & Germans had a football match between the trenches/front lines on Xmas day....they used the bodies of the soldiers killed the night before, still in rigor, as goal posts..........

Black humour about D & D as a coping mechanism........as per the little boy and his mother's art in my earlier post..............

Jokes vis-a-vis the hypocrisy of our beloved leaders........."Oh, I just learnt we have in our armoury Apache helicopters and Tomahawk missiles................I guess in another hundred years we'll have the Taliban helicopter and Exploding Rucksack missiles.........."

Just to name a handful................

I thought Stoneage's joke about Pearl Harbour was actually at the expense of the Japs.........implying that they are pathologically insane (as per Kamakazee) and although physically defeated not maybe mentally so 'you've' got to keep the proverbial foot on the neck or watch out............IMO funny joke...........almost certainly not true in respect of every Japanese person, but the joke is regarding the extreme - the fanatical - The Kamakazee example.........that's the way I saw it anyway...........

Personally I think 'you' just have to apply a bit of intelligence and at least try and understand the context........a 'joke' may be worthy of complaint but just because it's about an unpleasant subject I don't think by any means it follows that that is automatic

The Jewish holocaust joke told to me by my Jewish friend......

Three years after the war Jakob can bear the weight of his conscience no more...he goes to see the Rabbi...
"Rabbi..during the war I gave sanctuary to a fellow Jew....I have a heavy heart because I took money from him for letting him use my shelter"...
Rabbi.."Did you feed him ?"
Jakob..."Yes Rabbi"
Rabbi..."Did you keep him warm ?"
Jakob..."Yes Rabbi"
Rabbi..."Be troubled no more Jakob..these things cost money...go in peace"
Jakob..."Thank you Rabbi..I will sleep well tonight"................then as he opened the door to leave Jakob turned to the Rabbi and asks "Rabbi.....I should tell him the war is over ?"



Edited 9 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-21 22:43 by EddieByword.

Quote
The Stones
Woody Allen knows what it's all about.

I ever knew Woody Allen & Alan Alda worked together. Where is this from?

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Vilhelm
Nordic Stones Vikings

Thanks for defending me EddieByword and The Stones. However in retrospect I can give my opponents one right in this: there are only four months since the devastating tsunami in Japan. Let me tell you that my admiration for the way the Japanese people handled the aftermath of that shock goes beyond words. My joke was in no way refering to this. It was refering to something that happened 70 years ago during the second world war. Nothing else.

Quote
Stoneage
Thanks for defending me EddieByword and The Stones. However in retrospect I can give my opponents one right in this: there are only four months since the devastating tsunami in Japan. Let me tell you that my admiration for the way the Japanese people handled the aftermath of that shock goes beyond words. My joke was in no way refering to this. It was refering to something that happened 70 years ago during the second world war. Nothing else.

A bit confused...did someone think you were making a joke about this ?...I didn't, not for a second....

Thanks, EBW. I didn't understand the criticism either. But in hindsight maybe this is what my opponents were thinking of? That the timing was wrong since only four months has passed since the devastating tsunami. That's the only criticism I think can be valid. Just to be sure, let me once again state my deep admiration for the way the Japanese people handled this catastrophe.

.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-21 18:38 by Max'sKansasCity.

Quote
tumbled
Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, "Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?" Moshe burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying. What's your problem?"

"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! "But enough about me, how's your day going?"

To Sway and Koen

The point of the guy being Jewish is that having the biker be an anti-Semite makes it even better when you find out the drink was poisoned. Just being a drink-stealing jerk might not warrant death, but having him be a hate-motivated @#$%& allows you to feel he is getting what he deserves.

Did you hear that the father of Sting's wife Trudie Styler is German............yes..............

Herr Styler

A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm; including the villa, tractor, farmhouse and all the livestock; and the $100,000,000 cash I've saved". "Wow!!" said the granddaughter. "Thanks granny. I didn't know you even had a farm and all this wealth! Where is it??" Granny says, with her last dying breath. "It's on my Facebook."..
------------------------------------

"Doctor please, some more men please,
To Cotchford Farm, out by the pool...

What a drag it is they couldn't revive him"

Brian Jones 2/28/42 - 7/2/69

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR !

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS ?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they
take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment ?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


Nominated as the world's best short joke:

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he
asked, 'Are these my brains ?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Quote
boston2006
THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR !

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS ?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they
take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment ?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


Nominated as the world's best short joke:

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he
asked, 'Are these my brains ?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

This was nominated Britain's fave a couple of years back...........

"Why can't they just share the hedge ?"....................

Quote
boston2006
THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR !

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS ?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they
take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment ?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


Nominated as the world's best short joke:

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he
asked, 'Are these my brains ?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

boston2006..yea' good one mate..excellent

Not really a joke, but it could be depending on how you look at it:






BEST TRUE LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY

This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against theinsurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in a recent Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

Quote
Edith Grove
Not really a joke, but it could be depending on how you look at it:






BEST TRUE LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY

This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against theinsurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in a recent Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

Now that is hilarious!

d



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-08-02 02:21 by misterfrias.

Quote
EddieByword

The Jewish holocaust joke told to me by my Jewish friend......

Jewish jokes can only come from Jews only .


The Jewish holocaust joke told to me by my Jewish friend......
Only racists and nazis would be able to write the sentence you wrote .

No more joke about holocaust ,OK ?
Unless you want to meet me so I can put your face into an oven .

Edited for mispelling



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-08-02 23:11 by SwayStones.

Quote
boston2006
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

An Australian kiss is just like a French kiss, but....

Down Under is oral sex on/in both language



I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .

Quote
SwayStones

Jewish jokes can only come from Jews only.

No more joke about holocaust ,OK ?
Unless you want to meet me so I can put your face into an oven .

What about lawyer jokes? Are they allowed? Or can only lawyers say them? I am being serious.

If we are going to be correct, let's be correct across the board, please. Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation.

You know you are from Louisiana if...

* The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass.

* You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"

* Every so often, you have waterfront property.

* When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee.

* When you refer to a geographical location "way up North", you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold"!

* Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.

* You've ever had Community Coffee.

* You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya,)

* You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.

* You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.

* The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.

* You know the definition of "dressed".

* You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.

* The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.

* The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.

* You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.

* You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something".

* You go by "ya-mom-en-`dems" on Good Friday for family supper.

* You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.

* You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.

* You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.

* You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors)

* You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.

* Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.

* You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.

* You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.

* You describe a color as "K&B Purple".

* You like your rice and politics dirty.

* When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision.

* You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.

* You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins".

* A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.

* You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.

* You prefer skiing on the bayou.

* You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.

* You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.

All correct, except the town is spelled "Thibodaux."

THIS JUST HIT ME!



My dog, Cody, sleeps probably 20 hours a day.
His food is prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he feels like it.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup...
...and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For all this he pays nothing.
He lives in a very nice neighborhood...
...in a house that is much larger than he needs...



...but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.



He receives these accommodations absolutely free.



If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He is living like a king and has absolutely no expenses, whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head


I THINK CODY IS A MEMBER OF CONGRESS!

You know you're French if...

* You are proud of the baguette française. If the baker near your home makes one which doesn't suit your taste, you may buy your bread 10 km away.


You know you're French if you can carry on an entire conversation with an acquaintance without ever uttering "tu" or "vous", thus avoiding altogether the question of which one to use.



I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .