Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 2011-03-30 21:44 by SwayStones.

........ that'a crumby joke Sway .....



ROCKMAN

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Rockman
........ that'a crumby joke Sway .....

That's a great joke. I propose a toast to it.

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

We're jamming now!

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sweetcharmedlife

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Rockman
........ that'a crumby joke Sway .....

That's a great joke. I propose a toast to it.

Thought it was a bit run of the mill myself

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sweetcharmedlife

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Rockman
........ that'a crumby joke Sway .....

That's a great joke. I propose a toast to it.

Rockman ,did you mean "crumby" or " crummy " ?


btw,roll 73,I do know what "run of the mill" means

I am waiting for an uncommun joke of yours ,in French if you can .



I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .

I didn't know what crummy means. So I'm searchin in favourite book LIFE what's it.

"Flash!" Shit, what a record! All my stuff came together and all done on a cassette player. With "Jumpin' Jack Flash" and "Street Fighting Man" I'd discovered a new sound I could get out of an acoustic guitar. That grinding, dirty sound came out of these crummy little motels where the only thing you had to record with was this new invention called the cassette recorder. And it didn't disturb anybody. Suddenly you had a very mini studio. Playing an acoustic, you'd overload the Philips cassette player to the point of distortion so that when it played back it was effectively an electric guitar. You were using the cassette player as a pickup and an amplifier at the same time. You were forcing acoustic guitars through a cassette player, and what came out the other end was electric as hell. An electric guitar will jump live in your hands. It's like holding on to an electric eel. An acoustic guitar is very dry and you have to play it a different way. But if you can get that different sound electrified, you get this amazing tone and this amazing sound. I've always loved the acoustic guitar, loved playing it, and I thought, if I can just power this up a bit without going to electric, I'll have a unique sound. It's got a little tingle on the top. It's unexplainable, but it's something that fascinated me at the time''.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-02-22 21:43 by JJackFl.

"Crumby" (like bread crumbs)

Now that's some rye humor . . .

A lawyer was in a meeting with his divorced client.
"Mr. Ono, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
Mr. Ono replied, "I could use some good news. What is it?"
"Your ex-wife is not making you pay on any inheritance you receive."
"Well, that's great to hear!" replied Mr. Ono. "All right, now what about the bad news?"
"She's marrying your father."

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

Mick Jagger : How much would you charge me to answer three questions?

Prince Rupert Loewenstein : Three thousand dollars.

Mick Jagger : That's a lot of money, isn't it?

Prince Rupert Loewenstein : I guess so. What's your third question?

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a
larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and
told him that he and his cousin didn't want to
have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure
called a vasectomy that could fix the problem
but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor, 'is to
go home, get a cherry bomb , (fireworks are
legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer
can, then hold the can up to your ear and count
to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and
put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his
ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'



At which point, he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs and continued counting on
his other hand.

This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas.

Quote
Edith Grove
After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a
larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and
told him that he and his cousin didn't want to
have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure
called a vasectomy that could fix the problem
but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor, 'is to
go home, get a cherry bomb , (fireworks are
legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer
can, then hold the can up to your ear and count
to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and
put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his
ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'



At which point, he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs and continued counting on
his other hand.

This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas.

Works and Serbia, too.

How come the recipe for bean soup in Ireland calls for 239 beans?

Because 1 more would be too farty.



When do the Irish make dentist appointments? At tooth hurty.

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JJackFl

Quote
Edith Grove
After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a
larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and
told him that he and his cousin didn't want to
have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure
called a vasectomy that could fix the problem
but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor, 'is to
go home, get a cherry bomb , (fireworks are
legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer
can, then hold the can up to your ear and count
to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and
put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his
ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'



At which point, he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs and continued counting on
his other hand.

This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas.

Works and Serbia, too.

and South Carolina...

Quote
sweetcharmedlife

When do the Irish make dentist appointments? At tooth hurty.

Would you be so kind to explain that one to me ?

Gee,you have no idea of how hard it is for me to understand all the jokes people post -,like "This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas."



I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .

Q. What is eternity?
A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!

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SwayStones

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sweetcharmedlife

When do the Irish make dentist appointments? At tooth hurty.

Would you be so kind to explain that one to me ?

It's a bad Irish accent Sway. 2:30/Tooth hurty

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

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SwayStones

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sweetcharmedlife

When do the Irish make dentist appointments? At tooth hurty.

Would you be so kind to explain that one to me ?

Gee,you have no idea of how hard it is for me to understand all the jokes people post -,like "This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas."

Sway:

Hope all is well for you...

If you pronounce "tooth hurty" slurred together as one word, it will sound like two thirty.

"This procedure works in..." type of jokes are insults to the intelligence of the people of that particular region... Stereotypically, people in other regions of the US historically have viewed people in the Southeastern states as slow, dumb, uneducated, etc. "Redneck" is not a term of endearment or admiration for a person's hard work in the sun.

Peace,
Mr DJA

Mr DJA, you'd be surprised. Many people think of being a redneck as a good/cool/etc thing.

Why I'm not sure but it has mostly to do with pride, and in particular, "Southern pride". Then again there are a ton of rednecks in New Hampshire.

But the Southern Pride thing I'm still trying to figure out. Nobody in the North prattles about being a Confederate or anything - it only seems to be in the South - which seems to include Arkansas as well as the Virginias, the Carolinas, Georgia and Tennessee - which I've never understood since they are so far north and don't touch the Gulf Of Mexico.

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mr_dja

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SwayStones

Quote
sweetcharmedlife

When do the Irish make dentist appointments? At tooth hurty.

Would you be so kind to explain that one to me ?

Gee,you have no idea of how hard it is for me to understand all the jokes people post -,like "This procedure works in Tennessee,
Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama,
Georgia, West Virginia and Texas."

Sway:

Hope all is well for you...

If you pronounce "tooth hurty" slurred together as one word, it will sound like two thirty.

"This procedure works in..." type of jokes are insults to the intelligence of the people of that particular region... Stereotypically, people in other regions of the US historically have viewed people in the Southeastern states as slow, dumb, uneducated, etc. "Redneck" is not a term of endearment or admiration for a person's hard work in the sun.

Peace,
Mr DJA

Many thanks Mr dja,now I get it

I am fine, thank you ,did you get my latest e-mail ?

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially with two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed as a rather obese wrinkled glasses wearing big purse carrying horrendous hair styled old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly shuffled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady shuffled between them and into a small room. The walls closed and as the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers lit up above the elevator doors. They continued to watch as the circles stopped and then lit up in the reverse direction, and then the walls opened up again and a beautiful finely curvy figured large racked smooth shiny incredibly legged in heels 24 year old woman carrying a tiny wallet with long blonde hair stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball
to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring
a tear to your eyes.

My public service is done for the day.

Locals in England needed a cow to produce milk. They put a bull to approach the cow from the back; the cow would move away. The Bull was put in front of the cow. The cow once again moved away.

The locals hired a scientist from Scotland. They asked him why is this is happening?, why does the cow keep moving? He replied " The cow is from Scotland!!!

Folks asked "How do you know??"

My wife is from Scotland.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-04-02 21:57 by Chris Fountain.

Plane joke
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

Do you know what an Australian kiss is? It's like a French kiss but than "down under"

Lesbianism.......................that's just plain greedy

Any new Bin Laden jokes yet?..><