Tell Me :
Talk
Here is the French version
Woman "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Man : "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Woman: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Man: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Woman: "In the swimming pool."
Btw,I checked later this day my tires' pressure.It still misses some "bars" ...
I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .
So funny !I wasn't expected the fall ....
Well,you know,we also have these kind of people over here .
We call them "the Deep France " or just "beaufs" ....
You have the best jokes ever! The "know it, I fecking wrote it" still makes me laugh - i think of it often.
Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.
I love the jokes on blondes or/and women.Keep them coming !
That weatherman just lost his job this week in a round of BBC cuts. No prizes for guessing his reaction.
Me too, I just couldn't stop laughing when reading that one, yesterday...LOL
Talk about your favorite band.
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Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
SwayStones
()
Date: October 1, 2010 22:20
Quote
Edith Grove
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
Here is the French version
Woman "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Man : "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Woman: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Man: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Woman: "In the swimming pool."
Btw,I checked later this day my tires' pressure.It still misses some "bars" ...
I am a Frenchie ,as Mick affectionately called them in the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1977 .
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Anonymous User
()
Date: October 1, 2010 22:29
very good .thank you for the good laugh!!!Quote
SwayStonesQuote
Edith Grove
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
Here is the French version
Woman "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Man : "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Woman: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Man: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Woman: "In the swimming pool."
Btw,I checked later this day my tires' pressure.It still misses some "bars" ...
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Wanton Witch of the Côte
()
Date: October 2, 2010 03:24
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Midnight Toker
()
Date: October 2, 2010 10:22
The definition of "INDEFINATELY' When you are banging your girlfriend/wife from berhind really hard and your balls are slapping up against her stomach. You know you are IN...........DEFINATELY!!!".
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Edith Grove
()
Date: October 4, 2010 19:11
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
sweetcharmedlife
()
Date: October 4, 2010 19:18
I'm looking forward to seeing the new movie coming out about the great horse Secratariat. I hear Julia Roberts has the title role. She beat out Sarah Jessica Parker and Hillary Swank for the role.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
jamesfdouglas
()
Date: October 4, 2010 22:21
"You know, if you go outside a girl's house and pee her name in the snow, her neighbours will whink she has a c---."
[thepowergoats.com]
[thepowergoats.com]
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
SwayStones
()
Date: October 5, 2010 12:07
Quote
Wanton Witch of the Côte
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
So funny !I wasn't expected the fall ....
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
SwayStones
()
Date: October 5, 2010 12:09
Quote
MKjan
.Swaystone, you and the Englishman are being way too kind to present day USA, my country. Just go to YouTube and type in: people of Walmart.
Well,you know,we also have these kind of people over here .
We call them "the Deep France " or just "beaufs" ....
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Edith Grove
()
Date: October 6, 2010 23:32
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
CindyC
()
Date: October 6, 2010 23:38
Quote
Edith Grove
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
You have the best jokes ever! The "know it, I fecking wrote it" still makes me laugh - i think of it often.
Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
SwayStones
()
Date: October 7, 2010 12:52
Quote
Edith Grove
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
I love the jokes on blondes or/and women.Keep them coming !
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
sweetcharmedlife
()
Date: October 7, 2010 19:01
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
mr_dja
()
Date: October 7, 2010 19:28
Had a lady named Denise come into my office today and remembered this one:
A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"
The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"
The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."
A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"
The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"
The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
dewlover
()
Date: October 7, 2010 19:32
I Love It When Neo-Libs Show How Much The Truth REALLY Hurts...
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Koen
()
Date: October 7, 2010 22:17
Two friends, one limping and the other with a hunchback spent the evening drinking in a bar, and decide to walk home close to midnight. They pass the graveyard and the guy with the hunchback says, "I’m taking a shortcut across the graveyard, care to join me? The other guy says, "No thank you. It's almost midnight, and you never know”. So they split ways, and the guy with the hunchback crosses through the graveyard. At the moment the clock strikes 12, a ghost appears from behind a gravestone and says in an eerie voice "Woooo, I'm a ghost, what’s that behind your back?" "Uhhhh, it's a bump, I'm a hunchback". "Give me that”, says the ghost, and he takes the bump off his back. The guy suddenly walks straight, and runs home as fast as he can. The next day he sees his friend, and tells him the story and encourages him to go to the graveyard at midnight, so the ghost will cure him from his limping leg. So just before midnight, the guy with the limp goes to the graveyard and waits. And again, at exactly 12 'o clock, the ghost reappears from behind the stone. "Woooo, I'm a ghost, what’s that behind your back?" "Uhhhh, nothing” says the guy. "Then here, take this bump!"
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Edith Grove
()
Date: October 11, 2010 21:32
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
sweetcharmedlife
()
Date: October 11, 2010 22:04
From last night's Family Guy,
I want you to go to France and tell all the French people that a good looking depressed guy smoking a cigarette doesn't make a movie.
I want you to go to France and tell all the French people that a good looking depressed guy smoking a cigarette doesn't make a movie.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
NICOS
()
Date: October 11, 2010 22:30
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Great one Edith ;o)
__________________________
Great one Edith ;o)
__________________________
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Rollin' Stoner
()
Date: October 11, 2010 23:06
Q: What do Sex and Banking have in common? A: When You Make a Withdrawal, You Lose Interest
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Doxa
()
Date: October 13, 2010 18:55
A joke of the day. This morning a Finnsish newsreader did this><:
and got immediately fired...
- Doxa
<:and got immediately fired...
- Doxa
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
CindyC
()
Date: October 13, 2010 19:03
oh poor guy!
Reminds me of this guy.
I just love how he tries to recover - he looks so ridiculous - that look of horror on his face is priceless!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2010-10-13 19:05 by CindyC.
Reminds me of this guy.
I just love how he tries to recover - he looks so ridiculous - that look of horror on his face is priceless!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2010-10-13 19:05 by CindyC.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Silver Dagger
()
Date: October 21, 2010 18:39
Quote
CindyC
oh poor guy!
Reminds me of this guy.
I just love how he tries to recover - he looks so ridiculous - that look of horror on his face is priceless!
That weatherman just lost his job this week in a round of BBC cuts. No prizes for guessing his reaction.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
CindyC
()
Date: October 22, 2010 00:38
This one's dirty...
My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a$$ pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
She cried.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a$$ pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
She cried.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Keefan
()
Date: October 22, 2010 00:59
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A Rolling Stone says 'Hey you, get off of my cloud!'
while a Scotsman says 'Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!'
A Rolling Stone says 'Hey you, get off of my cloud!'
while a Scotsman says 'Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!'
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Anonymous User
()
Date: October 22, 2010 20:38
a 5 star joke .i love your humor!!!!!!!Quote
CindyC
This one's dirty...
My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a$$ pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
She cried.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
Erik_Snow
()
Date: October 22, 2010 20:43
Quote
The Greeka 5 star joke .i love your humor!!!!!!!Quote
CindyC
This one's dirty...
My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a$$ pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
She cried.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Me too, I just couldn't stop laughing when reading that one, yesterday...LOL
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
pgarof
()
Date: October 22, 2010 23:55
3 balloons living in a balloon house, Daddy Balloon, Mummy Balloon and baby balloon. That night at bedtime daddy balloon says to baby balloon "tonight you must stay in your own bed, your too big to get into our bed anymore" so baby balloon gets in bed and goes to sleep. Mummy and daddy balloon go to bed and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Baby balloon wakes up and creeps into mummy and daddy balloons bedroom and trys to get in bed but there isn't enough room so he lets a bit of air out of daddy balloon, pssssssss, but still can't get into bed so he lets a bit of mummy balloons air out, psssssss. Still he can't get into bed so in the end lets a bit of his own air out, pppsssssss. That was just enough so he squeezed into bed between mummy and daddy balloon and fell asleep.
In the morning when they all woke up Daddy was very cross with baby balloon, he said " i told you not to get into our bed again, your far to big now, you've let me down, your mother down and most of all let you self down".
In the morning when they all woke up Daddy was very cross with baby balloon, he said " i told you not to get into our bed again, your far to big now, you've let me down, your mother down and most of all let you self down".
Re: OT - favourite joke of the year
Posted by:
MKjan
()
Date: October 22, 2010 23:59
Quote
Erik_SnowQuote
The Greeka 5 star joke .i love your humor!!!!!!!Quote
CindyC
This one's dirty...
My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her a$$ pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
She cried.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
Me too, I just couldn't stop laughing when reading that one, yesterday...LOL[/quote
Yes, very funny....and the one posted by Gazza a while back about the doctor visit.
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