Edith has great jokes

What's the difference between a drummer in a blues band and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four . . .

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fuman
What's the difference between a drummer in a blues band and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four . . .

HAHAHAHA Nice one!

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CindyC
Edith has great jokes

I wish I could claim them as mine.

Most are e-mailed to me!

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Edith Grove

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CindyC
Edith has great jokes

I wish I could claim them as mine.

Most are e-mailed to me!

That's ok - as Keith says, pass it on.

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her
kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much
gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night..

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start
your engines'.

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its
wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House
of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

A giraffe walks into a bar and announces, "High balls are on me!"

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WMiller
A giraffe walks into a bar and announces, "High balls are on me!"

from the same jokebook:

a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"

A man and wife are laying in bed.The husband starts to get frisky with his wife. She tells him,not tonight honey,I have a gynecology appointment in the morning and I want to stay fresh. The husaband turns aroun,lies there frustrated. Then he turns back towards his wife and asks her if she has dentist appointment tomorrow.

Q. What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died?


A. Nothing.

Q: How deep can a frog go into the water?








A: knee deep

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'



The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

'Go get your Mother.'

A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'


'What's that mean?' asked the child.

'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'


The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'













The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

told here before, but always funny:

what does a rockmusician say to a jazzmusician?

to the airport please!

two men out golfing are slowed down by the two women in front of them. One of the men becomes impatient and tells his friend he'll go up to the women and ask to play through. He starts off but turns around before talking to the women. He tells his friend that the two women in front are none other than his wife and his mistress. No problem, the second golfer says, he'll go up and talk to them. He starts off and like the first guy, turns around and comes back. "Small world" he tells his friend.

Q: What did one fan say to the other at a Dead concert when they ran out of dope?

A: Boy, this music sucks.

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24FPS
Q: What did one fan say to the other at a Dead concert when they ran out of dope?

A: Boy, this music sucks.

You got that right.

DELETED



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2010-08-19 13:22 by dancingmisterd.

the joke is terrible, but "the office" (english version!!!!) is one of the funniest things i've ever seen!

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me.. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either

Worst joke!!! ....... that chicken thingo is cool.. ....



ROCKMAN

I think they didn't understand the Chicken joke ha ha

__________________________

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.

Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 wouldpress your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

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NICOS
I think they didn't understand the Chicken joke ha ha

That reminds me of this one.

Why did the chicken cross halfway across the road? Because he wanted to lay it on the line.

I know it's an oldie but still fun..............

Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

__________________________

Three guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They
decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time,
so they voted to take turns.

The first night, John slept in Steve's room and came to breakfast the
next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest
of the guys said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all
night."

The next night it was Garry's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all
standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn't sleep a wink. I
just watched him all night."

The third night was Herb's turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to
fish and hunt -- a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning," he said.

The guys couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed
and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

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sweetcharmedlife

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NICOS
I think they didn't understand the Chicken joke ha ha

That reminds me of this one.

Why did the chicken cross halfway across the road? Because he wanted to lay it on the line.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because his penis was stuck in a chicken.


What did the battery say to the potato chip?
I'm EverReady if you're Frito-Lay.

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Keefan

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sweetcharmedlife

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NICOS
I think they didn't understand the Chicken joke ha ha

That reminds me of this one.

Why did the chicken cross halfway across the road? Because he wanted to lay it on the line.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because his penis was stuck in a chicken.

I've heard that one before and it still made me laugh. We could do a whole thread on chicken jokes.

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"