8 things that will happen if the Saints win the Super Bowl
1.) Alcohol shortages: all groceries, convenience stores and drug stores within a 100 mile radius of New Orleans will completely sell out of beer, wine and liquor. You should stock up at least a week in advance, otherwise you will be stuck with soda and water.
2.) Extreme noise: the sounds of 1.13 million cheering fans in metro New Orleans will reach more than 500 decibels. Hundreds of thousands of stomping feet will create shockwaves and tremors as far away as Houston and Atlanta.
3.) Regional smoke screen and CO2 emissions: smoke from barbeque pits,
fireworks and bonfires will create a 250 mile long cloud in the sky that will be
seen from satellites and on Google Earth. Tens of thousands of residents will
boil seafood in their backyards and CO2 emissions from the burning propane
tanks will create a hole in the ozone above New Orleans.
4.) Total gridlock: crowds of people trying to get to the French Quarter will back up traffic all the way to Bay St. Louis. Just park on Judge Perez and walk the rest of the way. The line at Pat O’s will end somewhere in the Marigny and the spillover from Bourbon Street will run all the way to Decatur.
5.) New Orleans will put out 3 more port-o-lets: In response to the massive crowds, the city will put 3 more port-o-lets for a grand total of 12. This will increase ratio of toilets to people to an impressive 1 toilet per 24, 000 visitors. The wait time to pee will drop from five hours to only three.
6.) The city will use parking tickets to fund Nagin’s world travels: The City of N.O. Parking Enforcement will mark the date on the calendar and send out busloads of meter maids to issue thousands of tickets to those having a good time downtown. They’ll use the proceeds to send Nagin on a luxury 13-day cruise down the Nile followed by a jaunt into space with Richard Branson.
7.) Who Dat migration: Thousands of vehicles, mostly Chevy Silverados with fleur de lis stickers in the back windows will travel all over I-10, I-12, I-49, I-55. “Who Dat” will be heard at dozens of gas stations which will subsequently sell out of Bud Light. Those fans lucky enough to have gone to Miami will litter the interstate between N.O. and Miami with beer cans and chicken bones.
8.) Thousands of televisions will need to be replaced: Country folk WhoDats on the NorthShore and in wooded areas surrounding N.O. will shoot out their televisions in excitement.