These quotes are all from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


You want more? I'll have enough for some more posts



Belgrade-Bucharest-Budapest-Brno

We bright legal minds such as these I can see the legal system is in good hands...for comedians!

Those are great! I love this one:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

I wish could be that quick on the stand.

Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.

Hillarious!!
Its like this one
To avoid children, make your sister in law pregnant, they will be your nephews
All mushroms are eatable..at least once
Mens would lie less,if womens did made so many questions

Pt.2

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
_________________________________ _____
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere...



Belgrade-Bucharest-Budapest-Brno

Here's a list of some funny URLs, where the designer didn't think about how people would read the name of the site:

1) Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
[www.whorepresents.com]

2) Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views:
[www.expertsexchange.com]

3) Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
[www.penisland.net]

4) Need a therapist?
[www.therapistfinder.com]

5) Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
[www.molestationnursery.com]

6) Gas central heating anyone?
[www.gasheating.co.uk]

7) New to Milan and you need electric light? Why not sign up on-line with
Power-Gen?
[www.powergenitalia.com]


Belgrade-Bucharest-Budapest-Brno

Belgrade-Bucharest-Budapest-Brno

Isn't this shite highly off-topic? The internet is full of crap like this. There is no reason to post it here.

X



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-05-10 00:22 by Erik_Snow.

Thats a nice in-between thread, Lorenz.
It really made me laugh and gets me out of that blue feeling for a little while.

I loved this one:

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

how on earth did you come across those pages?

Captain, if you find things on the internet like this, go ahead and post 'em.
an adequate headline presumed.
Lorenz's headline makes it quite clear

Q: did you wake up grumpy?
A: no, I let him sleep