Stones tour humor
Posted by:
stonesfan70
()
Date: July 1, 2005 17:09
From the Onion, copyright 2002, but still relevant to today:
The Rolling Stones recently announced plans for a 40th-anniversary tour, starting in September. What can fans expect?
* Echoing Altamont, desperate Mick Jagger pleads with crowd to turn off pagers and cell phones
* Jan Wenner masturbates self raw and dry with chin resting on stage
* Select shows taped for upcoming live album "Sucking In The Seventies, Eighties, Nineties, and Aughts"
* Angry fans storm stage when band fails to play 1986 hit "Harlem Shuffle"
* Souvenir stand offers $175 "Rolling Stone-washed" chinos
* On tour jet, Mick and Keith vigorously debate playing "Satisfaction"
* Band finally releases findings of 30-year research study on how come brown sugar tastes so good
* Mitch Caplan, CEO/president of tour sponsor E*Trade, bitterly complains about fifth-row seats
* Fans mechanically attend, force selves to enjoy event, report back to coworkers that Stones "still have it"