Tell Me :
Talk
Sounds like maybe Rodney Dangerfield or Henny Youngman.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.- Rodney
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected. - Henny
_____________________________________________________________
Rip this joint, gonna save your soul, round and round and round we go......
Actually Dorothy Parker [quoteinvestigator.com]
Talk about your favorite band.
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Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Rockman
()
Date: December 14, 2010 01:22
He's got a brain like a country jail .......... One cell...
ROCKMAN
ROCKMAN
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
otonneau
()
Date: December 14, 2010 02:14
Alexander the great, having conquered half the world, is about to set off to conquer the other half. His servant tells him
"If I were you, emperor, I'd settle for what I have"
Alexander:
"That's also what I would do, if I were you".
"If I were you, emperor, I'd settle for what I have"
Alexander:
"That's also what I would do, if I were you".
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Toru A
()
Date: December 14, 2010 04:23
If I catch you taking photographs of my kids I will physically eat your nose off of your face and I would chew it in front of your face as well, and that's the truth.
- Johnny Depp
- Johnny Depp
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
trainarollin
()
Date: December 14, 2010 06:43
TRY -- Tomorrow Remembers Yesterday
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
CrissCrossMind
()
Date: December 14, 2010 07:25
This is an original. When ever you're doing some boring work (like organizing boring shit - books, CD's, paper work, etc) in your house/apartment and you've had enough I always say-
"Well, Mick Jagger STILL has to sing "Jumping Jack Flash" at every show"
- meaning Mick can't even escape the mundane..... Puts things in perceptive (I think Jagger's been doing JJF at EVERY concert since Hyde Park - 7/69) - 4 decades plus?
"Well, Mick Jagger STILL has to sing "Jumping Jack Flash" at every show"
- meaning Mick can't even escape the mundane..... Puts things in perceptive (I think Jagger's been doing JJF at EVERY concert since Hyde Park - 7/69) - 4 decades plus?
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Come On
()
Date: December 14, 2010 10:27
- Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Rolling Hansie
()
Date: December 14, 2010 11:45
Great minds think alike ..... yeah, and fools seldom differ.
-------------------
Keep On Rolling
-------------------
Keep On Rolling
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
EddieByword
()
Date: December 19, 2010 03:56
On the gravestone of the English comedian Spike Milligan
"I told you I was ill"
Edited 10 time(s). Last edit at 2010-12-20 17:43 by EddieByword.
"I told you I was ill"
Edited 10 time(s). Last edit at 2010-12-20 17:43 by EddieByword.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
No Expectations
()
Date: December 19, 2010 06:57
I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong!
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
EddieByword
()
Date: May 11, 2018 14:00
In this world, there's nothing like a moment of clarity to really confuse you.............(original......
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Spud
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:14
Leonard Bernstein to eminent cellist Jacqueline Du Pre when not too pleased with her efforts in rehearsal ..
" Madame, you have bewteen your legs the finest instrument known to man...
...and all you can do is scratch it ! "
" Madame, you have bewteen your legs the finest instrument known to man...
...and all you can do is scratch it ! "
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Bliss
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:32
"Have a nice day".
"Thank you, but I have other plans."
"Thank you, but I have other plans."
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
EddieByword
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:36
That's like......
"We've been on holiday"
"Did you go somewhere nice?...
"no, we thought we'd try the slums of Calcutta...............
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 16:10 by EddieByword.
"We've been on holiday"
"Did you go somewhere nice?...
"no, we thought we'd try the slums of Calcutta...............
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 16:10 by EddieByword.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Elmo Lewis
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:37
Black girls just wanna get ...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 15:39 by Elmo Lewis.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 15:39 by Elmo Lewis.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Bliss
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:41
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and from time to time it may be necessary to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Miss Piggy
"When it comes to humility, I am the greatest." - Bullwinkle Moose
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-13 13:49 by Bliss.
"When it comes to humility, I am the greatest." - Bullwinkle Moose
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-13 13:49 by Bliss.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
jumpontopofmebaby
()
Date: May 11, 2018 15:58
Thank you very little!
Hey...ya want to go fall in love for an hour?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 20:19 by jumpontopofmebaby.
Hey...ya want to go fall in love for an hour?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2018-05-11 20:19 by jumpontopofmebaby.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
johnnythunders
()
Date: May 11, 2018 16:20
An actual MNME smart-arsed one liner that has stuck with me all these years is "Lowell George Knew My Father"
This was also the place where they thought up increasingly bizarre names for Bryan Ferry eg Baron Ferrari, Byron Ferrett etc
This was also the place where they thought up increasingly bizarre names for Bryan Ferry eg Baron Ferrari, Byron Ferrett etc
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
oldschool
()
Date: May 11, 2018 16:21
"You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"
a bouncer once said at a bar I was in, at closing time, as he was herding us drunks out into the street.
a bouncer once said at a bar I was in, at closing time, as he was herding us drunks out into the street.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Elmo Lewis
()
Date: May 11, 2018 19:45
Don't go away mad, just go away - Motley Crue
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
buttons67
()
Date: May 11, 2018 19:55
not sure who said this one, maybe in a film, my dad told me it years ago.
woman to man. if you were my husband i would poison you.
man to woman. if you were my wife i would drink it.
woman to man. if you were my husband i would poison you.
man to woman. if you were my wife i would drink it.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
crumbling_mice
()
Date: May 11, 2018 20:04
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
If you were twice as smart as you are, you’d be half as smart as you think you are.
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
If you were twice as smart as you are, you’d be half as smart as you think you are.
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
FrogSugar
()
Date: May 11, 2018 20:40
The best things in life are free (it's the movie and dinner right before that cost a bundle)
-Alfred E. Newman
-Alfred E. Newman
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Hairball
()
Date: May 11, 2018 20:48
Quote
buttons67
not sure who said this one, maybe in a film, my dad told me it years ago.
woman to man. if you were my husband i would poison you.
man to woman. if you were my wife i would drink it.
Sounds like maybe Rodney Dangerfield or Henny Youngman.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.- Rodney
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected. - Henny
_____________________________________________________________
Rip this joint, gonna save your soul, round and round and round we go......
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Mongoose
()
Date: May 11, 2018 21:11
Abraham Lincoln was giving a speech once, and a heckler yelled out:
"Tell 'em all you know, Abe. It won't take long."
Lincoln paused, and said:
"I'll tell 'em all the TWO of us know COMBINED......and it won't take any longer."
"Tell 'em all you know, Abe. It won't take long."
Lincoln paused, and said:
"I'll tell 'em all the TWO of us know COMBINED......and it won't take any longer."
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Mongoose
()
Date: May 11, 2018 21:17
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
(Groucho Marx)
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
(Groucho Marx)
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Elmo Lewis
()
Date: May 11, 2018 21:36
Quote
HairballQuote
buttons67
not sure who said this one, maybe in a film, my dad told me it years ago.
woman to man. if you were my husband i would poison you.
man to woman. if you were my wife i would drink it.
I always heard that was Winston Churchill.
"No Anchovies, Please"
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Rockman
()
Date: May 11, 2018 21:47
Took up drinking to drown my sorrows but the bastards learnt to swim .....
ROCKMAN
ROCKMAN
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
DaveG
()
Date: May 11, 2018 21:51
Young man opening door for old man - "Age before beauty"
Old man to young man - "Pearls before swine"
Old man to young man - "Pearls before swine"
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
johnnythunders
()
Date: May 11, 2018 22:29
Quote
DaveG
Young man opening door for old man - "Age before beauty"
Old man to young man - "Pearls before swine"
Actually Dorothy Parker [quoteinvestigator.com]
Re: OT - Your favourite smart arsed one liner....
Posted by:
Maindefender
()
Date: May 11, 2018 23:21
That's what she said.....
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