Well , Tis the season , post them here
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>Turkey talk
>
>20 things you can only say at Christmas...
>
>1. I prefer breasts to legs.
>
>2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
>
>3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
>
>4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
>
>5. I've never seen a better spread!
>
>6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
>
>7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
>
>8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
>
>9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
'
>10. Don't play with your meat.
>
>11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
>
>12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
>
>13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
>
>14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
>
>15. How long will it take after you put it in?
>
>16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
>
>17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
>
>18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
>
>19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
>
>20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

There's only one fruitcake.
It just keeps getting re-gifted.

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids?

He only comes once a year and it's down the chimney!

"No Anchovies, Please"

3 Ho's are better than 1.

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 30, 2007

RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: November 30, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 30, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: November 10, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in a
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will
be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed,
though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food
we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 11, 2007

RE: The Stupid Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly
put it, and you'll get your stupid salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 12 , 2007

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.

Happy Holidays!