Alright ladies and gents, we start this new year off with a joke:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Happy New Year!

IORR but I like it

Christ almighty. I make ythat the 357,243rd time someone's told that joke on a Stones message board

Gazza Wrote:
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> Christ almighty. I make ythat the 357,243rd time
> someone's told that joke on a Stones message board


Really? Oh well, I tried...

LOL...just pullin your leg. Happy new year

Here's one that's probably even older :-)

On meeting Mick Jagger, jazzman George Melly commented on his wrinkles. Mick insisted they were laugh lines, to which Melly replied: "Nothing could be that funny."

Beast Wrote:
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> Here's one that's probably even older :-)
>
> On meeting Mick Jagger, jazzman George Melly
> commented on his wrinkles. Mick insisted they
> were laugh lines, to which Melly replied: "Nothing
> could be that funny."
>
ROFL! Good one Beast!

Here's another one you've probably already heard:

What's the difference between an Englishman and a Scotsman?

An Englishman says "Hey you, get off of my cloud" while a Scotsman says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

stonesfan70 Wrote:
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> Here's another one you've probably already heard:
>
> What's the difference between an Englishman and a
> Scotsman?
>
> An Englishman says "Hey you, get off of my cloud"
> while a Scotsman says "Hey McCloud, get off of my
> ewe."
>
ROFL! Too much stonesfan70!

Here's the joke that accompanies that Polly Black one.

This guy Roy saw this pair of shoes in a store one day, and really wanted them, but they were very expensive. So he saves up all his money and after about 3 months he finally has enough to get them. He brings them home, tries them on, checks himself out in the mirror, etc. At the end of the day, he lovingly places the shoes in their box and goes to sleep.

The next morning, he wakes up to discover that in the middle of the night, his cat had gotten into the shoe box and tore up the new shoes. Roy was heartbroken and called his friend, Sam and told him what the cat had done. Sam decided to go over to Roy's to try to cheer him up. As they were sitting there talking, the cat slinked into the room. Sam says to Roy, "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat the chewed your new shoes?".

There's actually a third joke too, but I only remember the punchline "I left my harp at Sam Clam's Disco".

Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.