Are Stones fans also fans of the Rodney Dangerfeild? I got a couple but need some more material....

Yeah, my wife....she says she wants to have sex in the back seat of our car...I'm thinking, yeehaa....problem is, she wants me to drive.....

My wife's put a little weight on lately.....yeah, the other day I caught her outside ironing her clothes on the driveway....

Anyone else have any good ones. Got to love Rodney, God Rest His Soul....

Lips

Hey there doll, you must have been something before electricity!

My wife loves to talk during sex. Last night she called me from a Holiday Inn!

ha, ha, ha...this stuff is soooo great - I know this thread won't last long since it's not STONES chat, but stones fans have a sense of humor of course so bring a few more classic Rodney lines on please before this thread fades away.....very funny stuff. We all need a good laugh these days
Lips

When my wife sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house. The other day she was wearing high heals and she struck oil.

Don't let your wife see this, Micklips:

My wife, my wife...not the best cook if you know what I mean, the flies in our neighborhood took up a collection to buy a new screen door for our house......

ha, ha....

Bring it one IORR folks...got to love Rodney

My wife is so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!

My cabbie asked me if I wanted to go somewhere for a hot time, he took me to my house!

Brouse,brouse,brouse--look at me I'm brousing!

(From his website:"Todays Line")

"I went to a proctologist and he stuck his finger in my mouth."

God this stuff is good....any more? My wife even chuckled at a few of these one liners...bring 'em on.

Let me tell 'ya....my wife, my wife....let me tell ya....

Ha, ha...

Lips

"the last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"

and,

"the world needs ditch-diggers too"

( both from Caddyshack )

Also from Caddyshack - 'who made you Pope of THIS dump?'

"A hat like that should come with a free bowl of soup! (then, after the owner hears him..)....Oh, looks good on YOU, though...."

"somebody stepped on a duck?" (while breaking wind).

To a woman - "Hey, you wanna make 40 bucks the HARD way?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2009-10-01 03:05 by Gazza.

Quote
Duane in Houston


"the world needs ditch-diggers too"

( from Caddyshack )

actually...I believe Judge Smails (Ted Knight) said that.

I think in BACK TO SCHOOL he said "I'd like to tame your shrew"


IORR............but I like it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2009-10-01 03:09 by sweet neo con.

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.


I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.


I tell you, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!


What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!


I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!


When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.”


I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek – she bent over!


I tell you, with my doctor, I don’t get no respect. I told him, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.” He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!


Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.


I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.


I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!


One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.


I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”


When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.”


I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!


My mother had morning sickness. After I was born.


My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.


My father had his own way of showing love. He always carried around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.


One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.


IORR............but I like it!

OMG...this stuff is so funny, new to us at least, but we gave always loved Rodney from afar.....so my wife is loving this shit...

My wife and I have been happy for 20 years....then we met...ha, ha.

Oh my God, funny shit

Keep it coming IORR people....LOVE RODNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lips

Quote
Gazza
Also from Caddyshack -

To a woman - "Hey, you wanna make 40 bucks the HARD way?

A personal fave. It has served me well.

Is this your grandson? a fine looking boy, good boy what a nice kid. {whispers} Now I know why tigers eat their young!

I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.

At school my daughter was voted "Most Likely to Conceive"

My doctor told me I was very sick and I said I wanted a second opinion. So he said, "OK, you're ugly too".

God, that guy was funny!!

Quote
scottkeef


Brouse,brouse,brouse--look at me I'm brousing!

Good one! My GF & I use that one a lot.

Quote
sweet neo con

Quote
Duane in Houston


"the world needs ditch-diggers too"

( from Caddyshack )

actually...I believe Judge Smails (Ted Knight) said that.

I think in BACK TO SCHOOL he said "I'd like to tame your shrew"

You're right! So, I'll replace it with this :
(to a very old woman) "I bet you were really something before electricity"

Yea, I get NO respect...my wife...yea...on our wedding night....she's screaming...oh my god, it's so big!....it's so big!....then I realized she was talking about my nose....

So my wife tells me she's a loser in love...I said, well now you've got me honey...ha, ha. She says...great, now I'm a complete loser....yikes..I get NO respect...no respect..

Rodney is one of the greatest..

I don't like cocaine I just like the smell of it.

My doctor is so mixed up, he grabbed my knee told me to cough then hit me in the balls with hammer.

I know I'm not good looking, in high school I was voted most likely to masturbate.


Just rent a dvd box set of Rodney stuff, its amazing, his one liners are very clever and audiences are soemtimes to slow to pick up his jokes.