A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up

leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around

his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely

filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.



There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of

cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire

wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly

arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he

had put into organizing the display.



There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears

covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears

running all the way along the top shelf.



She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a

large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and

actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.



They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while,

she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the

one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"



She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.



He responds warmly.



They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts

her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each

other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.



She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more

creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things

she had never done with any other man.



After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive

guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls

over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"



The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her

eyes, and says



























"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2007-07-02 15:15 by TooTough.

...spew!!!!

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Aaaah ha ha !

An elderly couple walked into McDonalds..
the man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered -


"THE TEETH."

Thanks, Lukester, for the teacher joke! I'll use that one with some co-workers!

"No Anchovies, Please"

on another note entirely ... i've always found Hilaire Belloc's Moral Alphabet hilarious,
so maybe someone else here will too: [www.mainlesson.com]

they're all a riot, but i'm giving the link to the one with the most [smile!] Keithly moral:
"If you were born to walk the ground,
Remain there; do not fool around."

ps don't miss P Stands for Pig ...
"Learn from the Pig to take whatever Fate
Or Elder Persons heap upon your plate." :E
and N Stands for Ned (Maria's younger brother) is always good!
(okay sorry - i'll stop now)

Ten things men shouldn't say out loud in Victoria's Secret...

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks... just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh, the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The miracle what? This is better than world peace!

2. 75 bucks? You're just gonna end up naked anyway.

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that.

Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.

From Junior Soprano

Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife

I guess Ill have to spread my legs now , she says

why , He asks , don't you have a vase

A lady is taking a bath at home. She hears a knock on the door. Who is it? She asks. "It´s the blind man." She gets out of the bath to open the door to let the blind man in. When she sees him he says, "Hi. Nice tits. So where do you want the blinds?

Certain names changed to avoid politics!

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of certain naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.

Naval Ship: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Naval Ship: This is the Captain of a Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Naval Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER [...], THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

-



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2007-12-31 03:44 by cirrhosis.

What do Gerold Ford and Saddam Hussain have in common?

They were both well hung

cirrhosis Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
Ten things men shouldn't say out loud in Victoria's Secret...

> Am I ever going to live that down?
>
> Do I really want to?


Actually, this wasn't as bad as when you were saying this stuff to the ladies in the Lane Bryant store.

trainarollin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What do Gerold Ford and Saddam Hussain have in
> common?
>
> They were both well hung


I never heard that about Gerald Ford, was he known to be "gifted". Are we talking a Milton Berle or Liam Neeson size member?

All I never knew about Gerald Ford was, when Betty wanted to practice birth control, she gave him a piece of gum...

I'm not even sure I know what that means! HAHA

Well, some people can't WALK and chew gum at the same time...

Oh!!!! I had a much nastier visual in mind of what he should do with the gum!

HAHAHA too funny.

Thanks - now I'm scarred for life! LOL!

Do think Pat Nixon, when she wanted some gum would say, "hey you got any gum on ya, Dick"?

Or "do you have a pencil, Dick"?

cindy wrote: "Oh!!!! I had a much nastier visual in mind of what he should do with the gum! "
**************

I can appreciate the way your mind works.

re: pat nixon

I like where this thread is going.

Once, while she and the Pres were hosting a cocktail party (with friends),
she asked her hubby if she could "have a double, dick."


IORR............but I like it!

This is really gonna go down hill when you work your way up from Nixon and Ford to the Georges 41 and 43... I think I'll just go lie down now and try not to think about it...

sweet neo con Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
I can appreciate the way your mind works.

Then this is a mutual admiration society.

To : SomeTorontoGirl , sweet neo con and CindyC ,


I feel like I'm the Big Bad Wolf looking in on The Three Little Pigs

-----------------------------

Oh by the way ,

Wee you aware that this week is Monica Lewinskys 31st birthday ? Seems like yesterday she was crawling around on her hands and knees and sticking everything in her mouth !



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2007-07-02 23:51 by boston2006.

Why, are you a good blower?

cindy..are you still at work? how do they try to enforce the "no internet" rule?

i'm in my home office...i'm editing photos on one mac and screwing around on iorr
with my other mac. no rules here.

found this: [en.wikipedia.org]


IORR............but I like it!

CindyC Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Why, are you a good blower?


Only with Kleenex and experiencing post nasal drip

they enforce it by walking by me 4,000 times a day. Today I just don't seem to give a crap though.