Richards spotted in French Hospital
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Date: January 22, 2005 02:51
Reuters
January 21, 2005
Keith Richards Hospitalized in France
A spokesperson for the rock group The Rolling Stones confirmed today that guitarist and founding member Keith Richards had been hospitalized last week in France. The group was rehearsing at a Paris recording studio when Richards noticed a lump on his behind.
The band was taking a break while frontman Mick Jagger was on the phone with boy-band heartthrob Justin Timberlake. Jagger was singing over the telephone in an attempt to convince Mr. Timberlake to join him in a duet for the Stones upcoming album.
Allegedly, Richards dropped his trousers and asked fellow guitarist Ron Wood to look at his bum. It was reported that Mr. Wood was intoxicated and just stood grinning with his guitar on backwards and a lit cigarette in each hand. As Richards became more agitated, drummer Charlie Watts offered to take a look. Watts, who is recovering from throat cancer treatments, was unable get Richards attention. It is unclear if the lack of communication was due to Jagger’s loud singing or the aging Richards’ failed hearing. Rumors abound that Richards is going deaf after audiences noticed his inability to start the song Brown Sugar during the recent Forty Licks Tour.
Eventually producer Don Was returned to the control room after a visit to the toilet and called the band’s manager, Michael Cohl. Cohl stated that he had insured Richards’ backside for one hundred million dollars and would arrive as soon as possible.
Richards was rushed to the Jacque Chirac Pain in the Ass Hospital where a pimple procedure was preformed. Richards was kept overnight for observation. Mr. Richards’ personal assistant stated that the incident would not effect work on the band’s new album, but Cohl later said that the tour might need to be delayed 16-18 months.
When famed cyclist, Lance Armstrong was told of the incident he admitted he had suffered several pimple breakouts. Armstrong stated that blood doping had relieved his symptoms and wished Richards a complete recovery. In a related story Mr. Wood who was left behind in the rush to leave the studio was found wondering aimlessly near the Eiffel Tower repeatly mumbling something that resembled “screw Betty Ford”.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2005-01-22 03:02 by skippy.