Yahoo's list of "Singers Who Can't Sing"

Celine Dion tops the list. STG will be so disappointed.

Singers Who Can't Sing
Posted Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:54am PST by Shawn Amos in GetBack


Everyone is still having a fit about Kanye West's SNL performance of "Heartless" the other week. Did he lip-synch? Didn't he? The debate misses the bigger issue: Kanye can't sing.

Truth be told, ability is not always the most important thing when it comes to singing. The proper amount of attitude, charm, and self-deprecation go a long way to replace actual vocal chops. Ask David Lee Roth and Bob Dylan, two dudes who can't sing a note but make up for it with sheer chutzpah (and in Dylan's case, an ungodly amount of lyrical prowess). Singers who know they can't sing are always forgiven.

Kanye, however, broke the cardinal rule of bad singing. He stepped outside of his preapproved vocal zone.

No one expects Kanye to sing. In fact, no one wants Kanye to sing, because we know he can't. Write an insanely catchy melody? Yes. Continue to be the biggest ego on the planet? Yes. These are the things we want from our Kanye. But when he begins to think he can pull off a ballad by actually singing it? That's when he's gone too far.

There are two kinds of bad singers in the world: the ones who kid themselves into thinking they're good (Kanye) and the ones who try too hard — all the time. These are the Mariahs, Beyonces, and Christinas (although Ms. Aguilera is learning; her Nina Simone tribute on the Grammy nomination show this month was remarkably restrained). These performers wring the last bit of life out of every note. Just because you can sing every octave perceptible to the human ear doesn't mean you have to. These singers don't know when to hold back. They are perpetual vocal grandstanders, sucking all of the oxygen out of the room.

Here are some other legendary bad singers. I'll avoid easy targets, like Yoko Ono and Michael Bolton. Yes, she inspired the B-52s. Who cares? And Bolton has received his punishment for butchering so many songs by being relegated to "Where are they now?" status. Time has passed him by, and we won't be hearing from him again.

These folks are ones who won't go away and, worse yet, won't learn to sing. Know your enemy, my friends. Protect yourselves. And check out the complete list here.


CELINE DION

She's the grande dame of song killers, insisting on suffocating every song with sincerity. Oh, Celine is so sincere. She demands that you love her and her songs. She forces herself on a song like a bad date.













MADONNA
The problem with Madonna (or, I should say, one of the many problems) is that she’s built a career on being a diva, and divas need to sing. No amount of line dancing, costume changes, or bodybuilding can hide the fact that she can't sing.











ANTHONY KEIDIS
The Red Hot Chili Peppers is one of the most musical bands around. Flea, Frusciante, and Chad are the some of the most talented dudes to ever groove together. If only they had a better singer. I could deal with Anthony until "Under the Bridge.” A great tune but way outside of his approved vocal zone. He’s much better when he's doing his "Give It Away" mumble-rap thing.











FRED DURST
Here's another one of these "I think I'll sing a ballad 'cause I can rap" dudes. And to add insult to injury, he tried out his vocal chops on the Who's epic "Behind Blue Eyes.” Aside from the fact that he has no inherent sensitivity to the song, HE CAN'T SING! It makes me mad to this day.











CHRIS BROWN

There was a time when a certain type of entertainer was called a "song-and-dance man.” The description assumed that the entertainer actually knew how to sing and how to dance. Michael Jackson, Cab Calloway, Jackie Wilson, James Brown? All song-and-dance men. I'll even give you Justin Timberlake. Chris Brown? Dance man. Definitely a dance man. Keep dancing, Chris.






See more in our Worst Singers Hall of Fame FlipBook.

[new.music.yahoo.com]

That's funny EG. I just saw that on Yahoo myself and thought about posting. But didn't.....But now that you have...What,No Dave Matthews?

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

Milli Vanilli..........



ROCKMAN

Tom Waits
Axl Rose
Britney Spears
Most of the R&B-mumblers
To name a few.

That is a good post; points well made. I don't agree that Madonna can't sing; she is okay. And Cristina A has only gotten better and better.
Tom Waits is acquired. I e.g love his style. Lou Reed IMO is a great singer; or WAS a great singer. To call RHCP one of the most "musical" bands around..??? See, it's always a little remark like this that ruins the cred of a good article for me.

Enrique Iglesias

Enrique Iglesias..haha.. "Ive just seen a face I can't forget.. da da.."

Kylie Monoge
Phil Collins
All the Spice Girls

Your dog will start howling when Yoko chimes in at 1:10 on this clip, and the look on Chuck's face is priceless:

Wow. It's astounding really - John and Paul both went on with their own careers and both had women screwing up their music.

I really disagree with that list saying Kiedis isn't a good singer, he's very solid

If the Bealtes had an ass, Yoko would be a big boil atop of it.

[thepowergoats.com]

Favorite bumpersticker ever: I Still Hate Yoko!

Says it all.

MADONNA
The problem with Madonna (or, I should say, one of the many problems) is that she’s built a career on being a diva, and divas need to sing. No amount of line dancing, costume changes, or bodybuilding can hide the fact that she can't sing

Edith Grove


Dear Edith Grove: Are you Maria Callas or Dawn Upshaw?
I do not state Madonna belongs in this categorie,but songs like "Frozen", "the Power of goodbye","Live to tell","Borderline" and many more are great artwork for a popsinger,there is a great feeling in her voice in combination with the lyrics.She can sing in her own way,and I like it!

Mick Jagger

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Edith Grove
Your dog will start howling when Yoko chimes in at 1:10 on this clip, and the look on Chuck's face is priceless:

I think it was better that Yoko shove in the mic then singing to it...maybe it would sound better although I doubt that too

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-12-29 00:00 by NICOS.

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mr edward
Tom Waits
Axl Rose
Britney Spears
Most of the R&B-mumblers
To name a few.

tom waits is fantastic and so is axl rose!

The question is not who is a good singer......but who can;t sing..... Randy Newman can't sing but I love his voice and songs





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Amsterdamned
Dear Edith Grove: Are you Maria Callas or Dawn Upshaw?

I am just a skinny guy from New Orleans who posted what I thought was a funny article I found on Yahoo!
But if you really want to see something funny, I have been thinking about regurgitating the "post a pic of yourself" thread and showing ya'll what I really look like!

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Edith Grove

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Amsterdamned
Dear Edith Grove: Are you Maria Callas or Dawn Upshaw?

I am just a skinny guy from New Orleans who posted what I thought was a funny article I found on Yahoo!
But if you really want to see something funny, I have been thinking about regurgitating the "post a pic of yourself" thread and showing ya'll what I really look like!

It would be about TIME if you did!

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

Bill Wyman

Axel Rose and Kid Rock are the worst

Im not huge GNR fan but i think Axl is actually a really good rock songer. he just belts it out and doesn't give a F*ck.

Yoko is hilarious! Sounds like Marie was getting attacked by a Japanese jellyfish high upon that ridge in Memphis!

And it shows that Axhole doesn't give a fook.

its funny all the axl rose bashing on here. what about mick jagger? his range/vocal style consists of yelling, whispering, howling, talking, and sometimes singing a note

what about mick jagger? his range/vocal style consists of yelling, whispering, howling, talking, and sometimes singing a note

Whooo Yeah .... He's such a versatile chap now ain't he ....



ROCKMAN

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Rockman
Milli Vanilli..........

.........and to add : Boney M ( at least the guy whose name I´ve forgotten )

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keefriffhard4life
its funny all the axl rose bashing on here. what about mick jagger? his range/vocal style consists of yelling, whispering, howling, talking, and sometimes singing a note

Had this not been a Rolling Stones web site and we'd not been Stones fanatics we'd probably be dissing and laughing at the present day Mick Jagger. Simple as that.

David Lee Roth is the worst non-singer for me ...