The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short).

In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-07 14:38 by open-g.

The horror.

It reads like Dutch -8 children would write english... ...knowing words, but only able to write them using things they know.

We'll see!

Jelle

Nise work there, open-g.

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Natlanta
Nise work there, open-g.

no big deal, the cut & paste

Can someone show me what a doctors prescription will look like

Exactly the same. Could you read it before ?

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Spud
Exactly the same. Could you read it before ?

I'm sorry, it is written as EXAKTLY. A little attention is not too much asked, is it?

:-p

even like that is far better than german.

Now, be gentle, Slivovitz.

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sluissie
It reads like Dutch -8 children would write english... ...knowing words, but only able to write them using things they know.

We'll see!

Jelle

Not only Dutch kids, I think that all non-english speking people who just start to learn would be happy, since the english spelling is rather difficult. Most of the other european languages' spelling is pterry close to the spoken form. But that is one of the things that make English such a beautifull language.
I am sure the changes will not be much drastic, but thanks for the nice vision open-g!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-07 13:05 by Happy24.

Zat is hilarious

NickB

You can't always get what you want.....

www.myspace.com/thesonkings

You'are right, it's just the association with the K's in german languages, like Dutch for example :-).

april, first?

I think it's a ridiculous enterprise and the best way to confuse everyone. The native speakers, the many people who already use it as "second language" and maybe even the non-english-speaking fraction, who have to forget all the vocabulary they already knew from visiting McDonald's and such.

Maybe they should simplify their rules and regulations instead. I'm sure there's hardly anyone aroud who fully understands that language...

Hey, why don't they just use Latin like in the old days and leave us alone. Then nobody has to discuss which language has to be used or - worse - "modified".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-07 13:42 by Greenblues.

you guys of course realized that this is a joke, no?

and for the record, english is a germanic language.

I wasn't too sure, Lorenz - after years of measuring bananas,I deemed them capable of almost every idea one can imagine (and beyond) ;-)

Just reminds me of our German Rechtschreibreform (Keiser, Schifffahrt and such).
This might also have inspired Open G, I guess...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-07 14:12 by Greenblues.

yeah, you can never be sure - but I have seen this around on the net for a while, as open-g said, it is just copied and pasted from a website. Luckily just a joke!

I didn't know we have to write "Keiser" now, btw! The whole Rechtschreibreform was weird, if you ask me....

Wow, you folks got me worried for a while - until Lorenz came along.
You got it right in all accounts

I found it on the web, it's hilarious imo, the german "Rechtschreibreform" came to mind and ....you can never trust the bureaucrats!

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Lorenz
and for the record, english is a germanic language.

And for the record, Germanic, German & English is spelled with capital letters

(Ya be in Hungary in September by any chance, Lorenz? PM me, wont ya?)

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Baboon Bro

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Lorenz
and for the record, english is a germanic language.

And for the record, Germanic, German & English is spelled with capital letters

(Ya be in Hungary in September by any chance, Lorenz? PM me, wont ya?)

well, but also you would have to replace the "is" with an "are", correct?

(will pm you, will definitely be in hungary on some weekends!)

Not too sure, Lorenz:
"[The group of linguonymes of] Germanic --- is [always] spelled
or "spells -- " .. Well, ya'll be hearin' from me.

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Lorenz
yeah, you can never be sure - but I have seen this around on the net for a while, as open-g said, it is just copied and pasted from a website. Luckily just a joke!

I didn't know we have to write "Keiser" now, btw! The whole Rechtschreibreform was weird, if you ask me....

Luckily they dropped the "Keiser" and some similar cases in the meantime. But it was a well published example of their draft concept...

ah yes, if you read it that way just kidding around anyway, don't think I should be the one to lecture anyone about the correct use of english

Truth is stranger than fiction!:
[uk.reuters.com]


"As we say in England, it can get a bit trainspottery"

Funny old language is English. It's constantly evolving so much so that we have difficulty understanding what a Papua New Guinean is saying using pidgeon english let alone what a Glaswegian with a broad accent is saying. If I could I would speak French or Italian....it sounds sophisticated.

NickB

You can't always get what you want.....

www.myspace.com/thesonkings

In the United States it's going from "American English" to "Spanish". For example, if you live in California (or Texas or any state in-between), it just says that on a map. It's all really Mexico.

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NickB
Funny old language is English. It's constantly evolving so much so that we have difficulty understanding what a Papua New Guinean is saying using pidgeon english let alone what a Glaswegian with a broad accent is saying. If I could I would speak French or Italian....it sounds sophisticated.

True, now how about some phonetically (fonetickly ) example of Kiwi and Aussie english?

Open-G yer vid don't play mate. (note the poor spelling and grammar)

NickB

You can't always get what you want.....

www.myspace.com/thesonkings