Brown Scampi
Worried About You (and your Fish Stew)

This thread is slowly destroying my mind.

I love the version of Yer Blues by the Dirty Mackeral

I have to tip my hat to everyone involved in this thread, although for some reason I can't think of a single @#$%& fish joke to save my life.

oh come on, you can think of something. Don't be such a squaretail.

Tumbling Dace...
Haddock With You...

This thread will keep going all down the line and off the hook - but that's what you get for using the InterNet.

I think it's rather shellfish to keep this thread going!

Mounted police came to rescue at the local fish shop that night.
they were riding wild seahorses, that couldn't drag 'em away.
called them fine arab chargers but they looked like old warhorses.

...and that shiny armor looked kinda fishy, more like sardines cans.

well i followed a blue crustacean
with fish bait in my hand
well i followed a blue crustacean
with a fish bait in my hand

well it's hard to belch, it's hard to belch
'cause oh my gut's in pain

well i reigned in the crustacean
i hooked it in the eye
well i reigned in the crustacean
i hooked it in the eye
whoa it looked so sad, so lonesome
but i could not help but fry

after days of eating crustacean
there were 2 bites left behind
after days of eating crustacean
there were 2 bites left behind
woah the blue bite was a might tainted
and the red bite was a might brine

oooh my gut's in pain



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-20 04:35 by josepi.

lol

Part man,Part marlin

Oh, a storm is threatening
My very life today
If I don't get some shellfish
Oh yeah, I'm gonna starve today

Scallops, children are just a net away
Just a net away.....



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-20 06:05 by mckalk.

From Mick Jaggers finest solo album - Trout of Focus.

Sir Craven - is that on >Codess in the Doorway< ?

hummm....maybe this tread should be merged with the:
"Keith claims to have stayed up for 8 days in a row. How about you?" thread.

I'm seaing things

If someone posted this, I apologize...

Jumpin' Jack Bass

Now, please end it.

JR

You Can't Always Fish When You Want

(sorry folks...I've been lured back to this thread...hook, line, and sinker)

Quote
stone-relics
If someone posted this, I apologize...
Jumpin' Jack Bass
Now, please end it.
JR

I say let's keep this thread going till it stinks worse than a boatload of smelts.

I think it's already beyond that...it smelts really bad already...

Quote
Hairball
I think it's already beyond that...it smelts really bad already...

Does it really, I wasn't sure. I don't smell too good.

Jigsaw fish

Brand New esCargot

Well I said from the first
Crabs are the worst
Kind of fish
For you to swim around

They tear toes apart
Pinch you as they dart
To and fro
And then they try to pull you down

You shouldn’t swim with me
I attract crabs, you see

My toes look like crap
Toe nails torn in half
Get out kid

Don’t put the blame on me
There’s too many crabs in the sea
The ocean’s so wide
There’s nowhere to hide
My feet are a tragedy

Well I said from the first
Crabs are the worst
Kind of fish
For you to swim around



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-27 04:03 by josepi.

lmao

The Fish Shop (Apologies to Monty Python)

(a customer walks in the door)

Customer: Good Morning.

Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Fish Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Owner: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Owner: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Owner: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fruit of the sea will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some fishy comestibles!

Owner: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some fish!

Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Owner: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some fish please, my good man.

Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red snapper.

Owner: I'm, afraid we're fresh out of red snapper, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on turbot?

Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of sole, if you please.

Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, herring?

Owner: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Flounder?

Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. skate?

Owner: Sorry.

Customer: Sprat? Sturgeon?

Owner: No.

Customer: Any Norweigan Rafisk, per chance.

Owner: No.

Customer: Pike?

Owner: No.

Customer: Pollock?

Owner: No.

Customer: Whitefish?

Owner: No.

Customer: Danish knurhane?

Owner: No.

Customer: Monkfish?

Owner: (pause) No.

Customer: Tuna?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dorset smoked mackeral?

Owner: No.

Customer: Orange roughy, tilapia, sturgeon, plaice, eel, bass?

Owner: No.

Customer: Surstromming, perhaps?

Owner: Ah! We have surstromming, yessir.

Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit strong...

Customer: Oh, I like it strong.

Owner: Well,.. It's very strong, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle Sweden! Mmmwah!

Owner: I...think it's a bit stronger than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how @#$%& strong it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

Customer: What now?

Owner: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Owner: She, sir.

Customer: (pause) Catfish?

Owner: No.

Customer: Hake?

Owner: No.

Customer: Cod?

Owner: No.

Customer: Smoked sardines?

Owner: No.

Customer: Japanese blow fish?

Owner: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some fish, don't you?

Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a fish shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Owner: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Bream.

Owner: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Bream, that's my name.

Customer: (pause) Greek anchovies?

Owner: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Fish?

Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.

Customer:Haddock?

Owner: No.

Customer: (pause) Aah, how about Salmon?

Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular fish in the world!

Owner: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular fish 'round hyah?

Owner: Huss, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh... Huss, eh?

Owner: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Owner: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a fish shop, is it?

Owner: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by fish....

Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about halibut, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Owner: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Owner: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any halibut?

Owner: No.

Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:

Owner: Yessir?

Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any fish here at all.

Owner: Yes, sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause)

Owner: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Owner: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Owner: Right-Oh, sir.

(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.

Speck of whitefish fair and pale

(from "She's A Rainbow Trout" )



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-21 05:44 by schillid.

lob, lob, lob, lob lobster pan
lob, lob, lob, lob lobster pan
lob, lob, lob, lob lobster pan

oh lobster pan
don't burn my hand
my lobster pan

you got me shakin' and a-bakin'

woops....

wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong band
wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong band

Quote
josepi
well i followed a blue crustacean
with fish bait in my hand
well i followed a blue crustacean
with a fish bait in my hand

well it's hard to belch, it's hard to belch
'cause oh my gut's in pain

well i reigned in the crustacean
i hooked it in the eye
well i reigned in the crustacean
i hooked it in the eye
whoa it looked so sad, so lonesome
but i could not help but fry

after days of eating crustacean
there were 2 bites left behind
after days of eating crustacean
there were 2 bites left behind
woah the blue bite was a might tainted
and the red bite was a might brine

oooh my gut's in pain

well I followed... two crustaceans
With a toothpick in my hand
well I followed two crustaceans...
With a toothpick in my hand

whoa they're hard to catch, hard to catch
if they don't take the bait

I got The (Fishmonger) Blues

Well I called out "get your sturgeon"
With a sluice case in my hand
Well I called out "got fresh sturgeon"
with a fish net in my hand
Well it's hard to sell it's hard to sell
Cause all its spawn tastes plain

Took the plain eggs in the sturgeon, I coloured 'em with dye
Took more plain eggs in the sturgeon, and I did 'em, too, in dye
Well they all looked oh so wholesome that I could not help but cry

Took the plain eggs out the sturgeon, and had two sorts done in dye
Took the plain eggs out the sturgeon, had two colours done in dye
Well the black ones sold like crazy, and the red ones sold in time

Ahh, my l'oeufs ain't plain
Ahh, my l'oeufs ain't plain


-- Robert "Outboard" Johnson



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2008-08-21 11:12 by camper88.

EEL pie island
fEEL on baby
stEEL whEELS

Sorry these are so bad.


John Nicholls

Quote
SomeTorontoGirl
The Fish Shop (Apologies to Monty Python)

Nice work!

What if he's got a poin-ted stick?

Quote
CindyC
What if he's got a poin-ted stick?

Banana! Perhaps (... Stones-related drumroll... thank you Charlie, that's lovely) "Ronnie Wood on the banana!"

Hmmm, wasn't that about a year ago today? [Sigh.]