Lisa: "Dad you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed to you." Homer: "Lisa just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do."
Keith Richards on the Rock and Roll obstacle course: In order to dodge all of the people, you have to be in peak physical shape. He then proceeds to take a long drag on a cigarette.
C. Montgomery Burns is the greatest by far in The Simpsons. One of my hardest laughs ever was when he was filling out a form. He was writing "Pangea" as his home country.
Marge: "Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?"
Homer (talks on the phone): "Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I´ve seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked."
Marge: "Homer! Watch your mouth!"
Homer: "Gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening."
Flanders: "Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a tad pekish. Mind if I chew your ear!?"
*CH-CHICK*
*BOOM*
*THUD*
Bart: "Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!"
Homer:"...he was a zombie?"
Homer: english? who needs that? i'm never going to england.
Chalmers: "Skinner! You're fired" Skinner: "I'm sorry, did you just call me a Liar?" Chalmers: "No, I said you're fired" Skinner: "Oh, oh that's much worse"
Homer: "You wrecked @#$%&' car! What did he ever do to you!?"
Wiggum: I need backup, I'm chasing a ghost-car ! Q: What's your current position ? Wiggum: I'm directly under the sun..........[looking up]........NOW! [hangs up]