the english ship in the north sea sends out an SOS

"Mayday, Mayday where' sinkin'
WE ARE SINKING!!!!PLEASE HELP we're sinking!!!!"

the german Coast guard replies:

"hello, ziss is zee german coast guard!
what are you zinking about?"



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 2006-07-28 14:45 by open-g.

Huh??

wow! no comprende'.

ok, I edited it a bit
if ya don't get now - forget it.

you're welcome to put your joke in here.

Open-G is not funny, open G fails at jokes

I zink it's funny

There was a commercial of an English language school on tv with such lines
Funny

I heard that one before, and it was very funny. The German Coast Guard person says: "vat are you sinking about" [I.E. he interprets sinking as thinking].

Here's my joke:

"make up your mind, 'cause I gotta go"

lolol great joke ..as i see our humour dont traval across the pond

The joke is not funny if you don't see the video!



It is hilarious!

Great way ...to wake up.

'Allo 'Allo comes to mind.

No matter how often you see it (about 453 times a year) it's still funny.

"Vee vill ask René about zee vhereabouts of zee British ermen!"

Reminds me of when I was in France and a french guy asked a German girl in English (with very heavy french accent), "So, now you are 'appy again?", to which she replied completely buffled, "Appy, what is appy?"
I was rolling on the floor laughing

And a prof there, who used to say "anal eyes" instead of "analyse", which made me burst with laughter on several occassions!


Belgrade-Bucharest-Budapest-Brno



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2006-07-28 11:46 by Lorenz.

Michael Leunig



ROCKMAN

Nothing as bad as English people trying to speak French (or German for that matter).

"Pardonnay mwah mahdaymwashelle, je foudray vous demanday un question."

That's a great one Rockman )

Michael Leunig



ROCKMAN

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Open-G! Rockman! Love your jokes! Keep 'em comming! I'm off to Amsterdam in a few hours and hope to be able to mail some photos to IORR.

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both  
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the  
same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.  

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,  
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in  
the upper bunk and she in the lower.  

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman  
saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be  
willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  
I'm awfully cold."  

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."  

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.  

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f***ing blanket!"  

After a moment of silence, he farted.  

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in court getting divorced.
they each testify as to who should get custody of the kids.
After the judge hears from each, he delivers his decision.
The judge says, "Mr. Mouse, I am awarding the kids to Minnie, because after reviewing the evidence I don't find her to be insane."
Mickey exclaims, "Who said she was insane??? I said she was f**king Goofy!!"

What did Santa Claus give Paris Hilton for Christmas?


He raped her

what have you smoke?

Nihonjin wa suizodan ni ittara nante iimasu ka? “Oishii so” to iimasu! Doumo. Doumo arigato.Konshu koko de imasu!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2006-07-28 22:08 by ChrisM.

3 guys are at the pearly gates trying to get into heaven. St Peter says to the first "tell me how you died and I'll decide if you can pass"

The first guy says "I live on the 2nd floor in an apartment block in NYC. I came home early one day and as I came up the stairs I could hear the sound of my wife making love with another man. My wife was naked on the bed. I went crazy lookig for the b**tard. Finally I opened the window and saw him hanging by his fingernails from the ledge so I killed him. I pushed him off the edge but he survived the fall, so I lifted the wardrobe and threw it out the window. But the wardrobe was so heavy the effort gave me a fatal heart attack"

St Peter says "ok it was murder but it was a crime of passion so you may pass"

The second man is asked his story. He says "I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment block in NYC. I was doing my daily exercizes when I lost my balance and toppled out an open window. Fortunately I caught my grip on the ledge of the window cill below. I was counting my blessings when this lunatic opened the window and pushed me off the edge. I fell 2 floors to the ground but fortunately I landed in a bush. Next thing I know the lunatic throws a wardrobe out the window and it landed on me and killed me"

St Peter says "thats awful, you may pass"

The third man steps forward. "What happened to you?" says St Peter.

"Well", he replies, "I was hiding in this wardrobe..........."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2006-07-28 20:22 by letitloose.

Great ones! :v)

Why did the condom fly across the room?

He was pissed off!

Ok, I'm relaxing and thought of another joke and couldn't wait to start typing.



Wasn't looking too good, but I was feeling real well.

letitloose wins, cindy is runner up

Solly meets Golberg coming home from work.

Hey Goldberg, why so glum.

I found a pay cheque for £10,000.

A pay cheque and you look so glum?

Yes, look at the tax.