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with sssoul

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with sssoul

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nick1970
I like Keith’s shirt as well. He looks very cool!

I came here looking for some good shots of it,
to see the patternn on the front and back.
I shall keep seeking :E

I think I need to see it zipped up and standing still.
It seems to include an allusion to the cover of Hot Rocks,
and some writing along the hem. Intriguing.

One of Hendrik Mulder's Facebook pictures shows that the words along the front edge begin "Love... " and other pictures show that it's "Love you..." but I haven't seen the back of it yet.

[m.facebook.com]

Rolling Stones Defy Time As ‘No Filter’ Tour Resumes In Nashville

Jim Ryan
October 11, 2021


Photo by Barry Brecheisen


“What a beautiful night!” said singer Tré Nation Saturday in Nashville as country blues rock outfit Ghost Hounds took to the stage at Nissan Stadium. “You’re here, we’re here and the Rolling Stones are here!”

Over the course of two hours Saturday evening, the Rolling Stones made good on a 2020 concert date postponed amidst pandemic, arriving in Music City as part of the group’s rescheduled “No Filter” tour, one which resumes Thursday, October 14, 2021 in Los Angeles, snaking its way across America through November.

Including a September warm-up date in Massachusetts, Saturday’s show marks only the fifth for the Stones since the death of longtime drummer Charlie Watts, who passed away in August at 80.


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

In his place on this tour is Steve Jordan, a friend of Watts who performed alongside guitarist Keith Richards as a member of the X-Pensive Winos, part of a longtime connection with the Stones.

From go, Watts’ presence loomed large Saturday in Nashville, with a special photo montage on the group’s four massive video screens kicking things off at Nissan Stadium.

“You know something? It’s great to see all those images of Charlie up there on the screen. We played together for 59 years,” said singer Mick Jagger on stage, turning the clock back to 1966 while introducing “19th Nervous Breakdown.” “So many memories in that time - and I’m sure for you too. So we’d like to dedicate this show to Charlie.”


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

Richards crouched down and looked to his left during the song, the evening’s fourth, chuckling as he faced bassist Darryl Jones.

That smile was a constant Saturday. Nobody looked to be having more fun on stage than Keith Richards. The guitarist, 77, laughed as he delivered his backing vocal on “Dead Flowers” but was at his most mischievous amidst “Miss You,” disappearing momentarily as the song began, hiding in the shadows near the rear of Jordan’s drum kit as he enjoyed a cigarette.


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

“The first time we came to Nashville it was in 1965!” said Jagger, setting up “Paint it Black” as guitarist Ronnie Wood picked up an electric sitar. “It was such a small town then… but look at it now!” marveled the singer.

While Richards’ age is beginning to manifest itself in his playing, Jagger, 78, continues to defy time on a nightly basis. The singer ran from the stage down a runway out to about the 20 yard line, preening, prancing, pointing and punching as he performed from a second stage on the field during cuts like “Honky Tonk Women.”

While the band has been sticking primarily to a setlist of close to twenty tried-and-true hits, they nevertheless managed to shake things up a bit Saturday, with Richards taking lead on “Connection” for the first time in about 15 years.

“Every night we put up a bunch of songs…” said Jagger, explaining the process behind the group’s nightly fan pick, one chosen by concertgoers from a list and voted upon at the Rolling Stones website prior to each tour stop. “The ones we put up tonight were influenced by our love of country music,” said the singer, illuminating one of the many unique ways the group attempts to localize each “No Filter” concert. “Tonight the winner is ‘Dead Flowers.’”


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

From the Sticky Fingers album, “Dead Flowers” turned 50 this year and made its tour debut Saturday night in Nashville. The group last performed the track during Watts’ final Rolling Stones concert on August 30, 2019 in Miami Gardens, Florida.

Richards held his guitar in the air as Wood did the heavy lifting on the deep cut, with Jagger picking up acoustic guitar, sticking with it as the group moved into “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

“We wanna do our lockdown song for ya,” said Jagger, introducing new Rolling Stones music. “Living in a Ghost Town” was released in 2020 and speaks to uncertain times, illuminating the isolation of life amidst the lockdown of early quarantine.


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

On stage Saturday in Nashville, the song was an immediate standout. A pair of saxophone players were resonant during a performance which highlighted the still stunning backing of vocalist Bernard Fowler. Richards and Wood stood side by side in front of Jordan as Jagger prowled, proving the band still has some gas left in the tank even as it approaches a once unthinkable 60th year.

“Is there anybody here from Lexington? Indianapolis? Memphis? Knoxville? Louisville?” asked Jagger of the crowd, name-checking nearby cities prior to “Start Me Up.” “I’m having such a good time here,” he said later. “Been in town for a few days. Went to Printers Alley and did karaoke,” said Jagger with a smile, joking about riding a mechanical bull amidst claims of crashing a bachelorette party.


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

“Miss You” remains Jones’ moment, a funky, drawn out, bass guitar attack which drives the song’s disco beat, a performance which was in lockstep with Jordan.

Long one of rock’s great sidemen, Steve Jordan was in fine form Saturday in Nashville, driving things forward in the absence of his friend. Jordan shined as he rang in the familiar opening to “Sympathy For the Devil,” sparks flying from the top of the stage as fireworks soared overhead, the Rolling Stones heading for the finish line. Clad in a long silver jacket, Jagger bowed as the song concluded, looking almost relieved as the group moved toward encore following a phenomenal presentation of rock and roll 101 in Nashville, Tennessee.

Ghost Hounds opened Saturday’s show with a rollicking 45 minute performance showcasing cuts from their latest studio album, September’s A Little Calamity.


Photo by Barry Brecheisen

Performing as a nine piece group, the band was fleshed out by a trio of backing vocalists who shined as the group conjured up images of the Black Crowes, bluesy keyboard highlighting “Sleight of Hand.”

“It's a privilege and a bit surreal to share the stage with the Rolling Stones. They have been my favorite band since I was a kid. Our band is certainly influenced by them along with the pioneers in blues music,” said Ghost Hounds guitar player Thomas Tull, the billionaire former CEO of film production company Legendary Entertainment prior to Saturday’s Nashville concert. “We know it's only rock and roll - but it feels really special!”

[www.forbes.com]

The Rolling Stones Bring Their Hit-Parade Blowout to Nissan Stadium

Saturday’s No Filter Tour stop featured 130 minutes of iconic songs and bewildering age defiance

D. Patrick Rodgers Oct 11, 2021


Matt Masters

A few songs into The Rolling Stones’ Saturday night show at Nissan Stadium, Mick Jagger addressed the crowd with a bit of obligatory local-landmark acknowledgement — the kind of move that has become de rigueur for arena-rock outfits since icons like Jagger and his peers popularized it many decades back. The frontman checked out Printers Alley for some karaoke, he told us midset. He also claimed to have crashed a pedal-tavern bachelorette party that enjoyed his “Goo Goo Clusters.”

Indeed, images of the impossibly svelte 78-year-old rocker checking out Music City’s sights made the rounds on social media ahead of the Oct. 9 stop on the No Filter Tour — including a shot of Jagger posing in front of a junk pile at what appears to be Nashville’s PSC Metals, not far from the stadium. That’s all well and good, of course, but on to the real question: Do the Stones still have it? Can the septuagenarian rockers still rock, and are they really still the Stones without the late, great Charlie Watts?

Openers Ghost Hounds kicked off the show at 7:30 on the dot with their country- and blues-inflected easy-listening rock. (Hounds frontman Ty Taylor, for those looking for the Stones connection, provided the singing voice for a character on Jagger and Martin Scorsese’s short-lived HBO series Vinyl.) The tune “Good Old Days” was a particularly Seger-esque bit of heartland nostalgia rock that landed right in the middle of the road.

The Rolling Stones led their set with a video montage featuring clips of Watts, the band’s drummer of 59 years, who died in August at age 80. A few songs later — after the undeniable opening salvo of “Street Fighting Man” into “Let’s Spend the Night Together” and “Tumbling Dice” — Jagger dedicated the evening’s performance to Watts, with whom he and his bandmates shared “so many memories.” Longtime Stones affiliate and legend in his own right Steve Jordan — known for playing with the Saturday Night Live house band, with James Brown and on the Stones’ 1986 effort Dirty Work, among countless other credits — had been preordained to take the drum throne for the No Filter Tour even before Watts’ death. To be sure, the indefatigable 64-year-old timekeeper was the only appropriate choice to take Charlie’s spot, and he kept the band locked in for the duration of its 130-minute set.

Truth is, tours of this magnitude seldom stray from the game plan, and thus the Stones’ set list was nearly identical to the ones St. Louis, Charlotte and Pittsburgh saw on the first three stops on the U.S. leg of the tour — a couple of Beggars Banquet tunes here, a handful of Let It Bleed selections there. But Jagger & Co. do like to mix it up by playing one fan-selected tune a few songs in, and in Nashville, fittingly enough, the fan-voted number was the undeniable country classic “Dead Flowers.” Keith Richards — in a pink beanie and a jacket covered in complicated patterns — offered that high half-wail of his throughout the chorus of “Flowers,” reminding the crowd that he and Jagger still maintain the insouciant looseness that has been their calling card for six decades. Mick and Keef are always on the same page, but they’re never exactly in lockstep with their vocals, and it’s that elastic groove that keeps the Stones sounding like, you know, the Stones.

To answer the question of whether Keith’s fellow Glimmer Twin still knows how to work a crowd — well, to call Jagger spry at this point is beyond cliché. He’s downright impish, bolting around the stage in his sequined blazer and busting into a full-bore sprint during “Honky Tonk Women” at a speed plenty of 28-year-olds truly could not muster. Jagger barked out his trademark “Yas, yas,” helicoptered his jacket over his head during “Midnight Rambler” and acknowledged every segment of the tens-of-thousands-strong crowd as the night wore on. Not to be outdone, fellow core member Ronnie Wood skipped around the stage like a rock ’n’ roll goblin while soloing on “Start Me Up,” and he joined Mick on the catwalk during a stretched-out rendition of the all-time disco-rocking banger “Miss You.” That one provided an opportunity for some slick soloing from Darryl Jones, who replaced Bill Wyman on bass nearly three decades back.

The Stones also pulled out their lockdown-written “Living in a Ghost Town,” an on-the-nose offering that doesn’t stack up to the iconic tunes in the rest of the set. But it did give us an opportunity to hear some of Mick’s capable harmonica soloing, an arrow the blues-student frontman doesn’t pull from his quiver quite as much these days. Other set highlights included a two-song run with Richards on lead vocals — “Connection” and “Slipping Away,” ahead of which he told the crowd it’s just “great to be anywhere” — and Mick recalling the very first time the band played Nashville back in 1965. (To be specific, Nov. 16, 1965, at Municipal Auditorium, with The Vibrations and Patty LaBelle and the Blues Belles on the undercard.)

The band closed out its main set with the three-song run of “Paint It Black,” “Sympathy for the Devil” and “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” before returning for a one-two knockout encore of “Gimme Shelter” and “Satisfaction,” the former featuring some powerhouse vocal acrobatics from backup singer Sasha Allen. The set closed with pyrotechnics showering down from above four massive, pillar-like video screens while fireworks streaked overhead. It was a surreal cap to a somewhat bewildering experience — after the year-and-a-half we’ve just had, being at the 50 yard line of a 70,000-capacity stadium bustling with beer-drunk boomers was nearly overwhelming.

But the show was also comforting. In a world clamoring with uncertainty, one unlikely constant remains: The Stones are indeed still the Stones, because they’re the only Stones we’ve got. Even without the legendary Wembley Whammer — as Jagger once called Watts — they’re still the biggest rock ’n’ roll band on the planet, and we’ll take all of that you got.

[www.nashvillescene.com]

--

The Spin: The Rolling Stones at Nissan Stadium, 10/9/2021

Matt Masters Oct 11, 2021

[www.nashvillescene.com]

Oh no. Keith procured another yellow Les Paul TV while in Nashville

Watching this young man and his friends having a blast at the Nashville show made me smile. They got excited by every song, knew the words, and reminded me of when I had discovered the Stones

[youtu.be]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2021-10-13 00:11 by snoopy2.

Quote
Green Lady

One of Hendrik Mulder's Facebook pictures shows that the words along the front edge begin "Love... " and other pictures show that it's "Love you..." but I haven't seen the back of it yet.

[m.facebook.com]

Thanks, Green Lady! It seems to say the same on the back.
Meanwhile, what's the bump on Keith's left arm,
about halfway between his wrist and his elbow?
A major blister? An implanted ID chip in case he gets lost?
An allergy test? An insect bite? A signal? :E

So it has been some time since I have posted on here with any sense of regularity, and I have been wanting to capture this moment for many months now. As many of you know, I was very much on the fence about seeing the boys anymore without Charlie, but I wanted to pay my respects, and bid them a fond farewell live, as I do wholeheartedly feel that an era has concluded. I decided to go to Nashville because it was one of the shows that did not require any sort of Vax/negative test mandate, and it was outdoors. What's more, I was going to be going to my first show with my 17- and 15-year old sons, their first Stones concert. As some of you might recall, my 2nd wife and I have been having a lot of issues as well, and at the time I decided to go to this concert, we were actually living apart. I decided to drive from southwest Connecticut, up to a suburb of Utica, NY to get my sons, and then on to Nashville for the concert. It was the first time that I had seen my boys in almost a year due to COVID. It was phenomenal just to be able to catch up with them and see them in person! I learned that they no longer listened to that rap crap that they used to and had turned wholeheartedly to rock, and old-school rock - Zep and the Stones were among their faves, along with the Chili Peppers, GNR, and CCR!!!! I was astonished to say the least!!!

I had purposely picked seats high up in the stadium, in the last row of a section, with the elevated concrete wall behind us, and I'd bought all the seats around us so that we had empty seats around us to insulate us from others, and also to respect those who were vax'd. We wore masks the whole time. I had not sat so far away since the first time I saw them, and it wouldn't have been the way I would have wanted to go, but nonetheless I needed to be safe.

We spent the night in IN and drove down early Saturday morning. We got to the stadium far too early to get in, but were able to buy our merchandise - shirts and programs. I was disappointed there were no pins like tours in the past, but a minor detail really. We then drove over to check out that reproduction of the Parthenon, which was a cool thing actually. We drove back and parked in a lot across the street from the stadium and headed to downtown. We strolled over to a little park directly across the river from the stadium, and while we stood there, we could actually hear soundcheck going on!!! I had really hoped for Far Away Eyes, as I'd heard all the other vote song choices already. I remember still the thrill of hearing what sounded like Connection being played, and I was ecstatic at the prospect of that song being brought out.

Really, I wanted to hear 3 new songs that night. I knew I'd get Ghost and Trouble, but I really wanted 1 more that I hadn't heard live, and I'd fall over in ecstasy if ever Keef dragged out Thru & Thru, but Connection would be phenomenal, too. I didn't really think he'd mix it up though, as he seemed to be pretty intent on his 2 numbers done so far.

I loved the opening band - the Ghost Hounds. Thought they did a great job and sounded like a good rock/blues band. I truly enjoyed seeing the tribute to Charlie in person, and I even recorded it and uploaded it to YouTube:
CW Tribute

There was such an energy to the crowd that night. Every time I've seen the band it's been an amazing experience. Something about all the Boston shows has always made those special for me. But the air in Nashville that night was stifling. I could tell early on that the whole band - Mick especially - were struggling with the heat (Mick even commented on it more than once), but the audience seemed to propel them on, and they gobbled up every milli-second of that energy. My youngest son loves SFM, and he was thrilled to hear it start the show. Trouble was incredible live - in fact, I've been disappointed in the studio version ever since. I loved that version, the funk or beat that it had that night. Much better than the studio captures, IMHO. I thought Ghost worked well, too. And each time that Mick engaged the audience, they answered back with a sing along that did not disappoint me, and I think shocked the band at just how much love they felt that night, in that stadium. I'm overcome right now just typing this.

I have cried just 3 times in my life at a Stones show. The first time was in Hartford on the ABB tour finally hearing my very favorite Stones song, Ruby Tuesday, live. The 2nd was in Buffalo on the Zip tour, at finally hearing Wild Horses live. Both of those involved tears of ecstasy. The third time was in Nashville. I was struck by the band paying their respects to Charlie again and all coming together like they had on opening night to talk about it. I had missed that moment, but had gotten to see it again in person in Nashville, and it was poignant.

But the moment that got me was Keef's set. I have never seen him perform Slipping Away like he did that night. To me, as he got further and further into the song, he seemed to be getting more overcome with emotion, and it seemed as if he didn't want the song to end, as if it was helping to keep all of those emotions in check and supporting/propping him up somehow. He kept it going longer than he normally does, and he even included the banter at the end that's on the studio version. I don't recall hearing that before. There were a couple of times that I thought it would end, but then it went for another circle or two, and as Keef walked around the stage, I could tell that he was struggling, that he was really overcome in the moment.......of the magnitude of what the band was plowing thru; the comrade - no friend - lost, and the love and gratitude pouring back at him from the crowd. He disappeared afterward for a large part of Miss You, and I felt that it was to compose himself in order to finish the show. Watching him walk around that stage as if in daze had me crying, tears pouring down my face. Maybe it was all my imagination and I was just caught up in the moment, but it really resonated with me. I'm almost crying now actually.

Getting Connection was beyond a thrill - 3 new songs heard live!!!!!! I am lucky to get 1 anymore, let alone 3!!! What a thrill for what will be my final show - finally I reached my lucky #13, and to go out with having my sons in attendance, I really couldn't ask for a better end to have been written. True there was no BS, but those opening chords of JJF, man what a THRILL to hear that live one more time - to me it's the quintessential Stones song - bigger even than Satisfaction!! I air guitared almost the whole thing, and my boys were going crazy watching their dad act like that. A 45-year old man completely and utterly lost in the moment, no concern for COVID; my crumbling marriage; or anyone who might be watching me. Just enjoying a memory with my sons that I can never have taken away from me. Ever.

My sons were completely blown away by the entire spectacle of it all, and my eldest son said that it was hands down one of the very best moments of his life. Not getting the picture of Charlie on the screens at the end was a bit of a disappointment to me, but I quickly made amends with myself for that with the fact that I got to witness the remaining members coming together to pay their respect for Charlie, which was far better than that ending photo, for sure.

We had a helluva time on the way home finding a room, and we actually ended up sleeping in the car in a rest stop somewhere East of Knoxville. On the way home the following day, my wife called to tell me that her sister had been taken to the hospital in a coma and that she needed me to come be with her, because she was too upset to be alone. Her sister and her husband and son had all contracted COVID, but her sister had a lot of underlying health issues. Unfortunately, her sister succumbed to COVID, and now my wife had lost both of her sisters within 18 months of each other, and she is the last sister left. Hence the reason why I've not been around much. I've been back home ever since. It's been a brutal couple of months. The holidays were incredibly hard on the family, and my wife and I continue to have problems to this very day, and I'm really not sure where we will end up, honestly. I'd like to think that we make it, but at this juncture, I just can't be sure anymore.

But that magical night in Nashville was a night I won't forget anytime soon, if ever at all. It was a fitting fond farewell - live anyway - to a band I've loved since I was a 13-year old boy in '89. They've been the soundtrack to my life, and they will continue to be so, long after they've all given up their last breath. God bless The Rolling Stones!!!!!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 2022-02-15 15:20 by VoodooLounge13.

Thanks for sharing that. Best of luck to you!

Thanks for the detailed report voodoo, was curious how you all made out.

Glad you and your boys had such a great experience at the show!! Lifetime memories
That final Charlie picture at the end of the first few shows was really a tough way to leave the concert..
Maybe just as well they dropped it in Nashville, though it was fitting for the initial shows I thought.

Hope things work out health wise, and sorry for your losses.
Realize we discussed it before and there were reasons, but (hopefully) not too late to consider getting the family vaxxed.

VoodooLounge13, in regard to your wife, I hope love powers through and reveals life. I lost my wife to cancer. We were good, we got to say goodbye, but man... it's not the 'life is precious' etc like people say - it is, yes, but life is full of pettiness and differences that have no actual weight to them when we look inside.

Not that I know anything about what y'all are going through. Maybe just a different perspective based in loss? I had it. It's not gone, love lives on, but she died - the now doesn't include here with me every day.

It's really been something to deal with.

People are so dating app happy these days. So casual, so shallow. Everything just slides all over the surface of things, all so next to nothingness these days - shiny things are more important than deep things, so many things are LOOK AT ME. Just touch this on your phone and...

If there's love there with your wife... let it find its way, however it turns out. Not for your kids. For you. For her. Your kids will benefit from it somehow someway someday regardless of the outcome.

I dunno. Reading that kind of thing that you said feels like riding in a car sideways on a hill.

Thoughts and prayers to ya VL13! I cried at the Nashville show too. Gold Rings on you!!

VL13, thank you for telling us about your experience with your two sons at the show.
Best wishes for your future.

~"Love is Strong"~

Thanks all for the well wishes, thoughts, and prayers.

And yes, MisterDDDD, thoughts of the vax are there, maybe if only to be able to do things and not feel so ostracized, but given how bad the world is, is it worth it? NYC is a place we used to frequent with regularity and it's turned into a war zone almost. I've spoken to several officers and first responders there and they all say the same thing - it's 100% worse than you see on the tv. So, IDK. I feel like the world is going to hell in a hurry. Trying to stay upbeat and do what can be done with little spare money these days - part of my wife and my issues.

Quote
GasLightStreet
VoodooLounge13, in regard to your wife, I hope love powers through and reveals life. I lost my wife to cancer. We were good, we got to say goodbye, but man... it's not the 'life is precious' etc like people say - it is, yes, but life is full of pettiness and differences that have no actual weight to them when we look inside.

Not that I know anything about what y'all are going through. Maybe just a different perspective based in loss? I had it. It's not gone, love lives on, but she died - the now doesn't include here with me every day.

It's really been something to deal with.

People are so dating app happy these days. So casual, so shallow. Everything just slides all over the surface of things, all so next to nothingness these days - shiny things are more important than deep things, so many things are LOOK AT ME. Just touch this on your phone and...

If there's love there with your wife... let it find its way, however it turns out. Not for your kids. For you. For her. Your kids will benefit from it somehow someway someday regardless of the outcome.

I dunno. Reading that kind of thing that you said feels like riding in a car sideways on a hill.

GasLight,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Truly. You're right there is so much shallow-ness out there these days. I'd rather be alone than to even try and find another again. If we do fall apart, I have 2 years before my youngest graduates HS, and until then, I need to remain somewhat close by. But then, I would just want to get a little place in the woods on the water. I don't need much. Just myself, my dog, and my music, book, movie collections so I can be at peace and write and enjoy the solitude. I don't have any social media accounts anymore other than LinkedIn. I just don't see the point of this whole look at me bs. I'd rather actually live life than read what others are doing. I hope you're able to find peace. Your perspective is helpful, and I thank you for sharing.

So I'm not really sure where else to put this, and I need to get it off my chest, as no one other than my parents knows at this point.....

My second wife and I have divorced. We had a blow-out fight last month, and I left for a week or so, and then returned home only for us to have another more severe, physical fight that resulted in her throwing my things thru our condo and when I wasn't leaving fast enough calling the police in an attempt to get me to vacate pronto. Our relationship was tumultuous from the start - part of the reason that friends and families would always say she was no good for me. We'd each had the other arrested - I'd never been so in my life until she came along. Had restraining orders against each other. Had each lost a job (completely unrelated to anything) during our time together. Moved to a new part of the country together. Weathered the COVID 2-year lockdown, each having had it a couple months ago, and were approaching 4 years married on 7/31. Despite all of our problems and unbelievably difficult and overly complicated relationship, with all that we had endured, I'd thought we'd always survive. That somehow someway we'd find our path and make it work.

It's been nearly 7 years since we had our first date on 7/19/15, and I'm left utterly shell-shocked by it all. She would say that I didn't do enough to make right my wrongs and shortcomings, and I'd say I never felt truly valued, appreciated, respected, or loved. Having never been married before, it was a lot for her to accept my first divorce, ex, and 3 kids. The financial baggage that came with all of that - child support I still pay on all 3, though the first drops off in January. She had longed to be with just one person who had never experienced any of those things prior, and instead chose me because I was always there whenever she needed me to be, due to her Type-1 diabetes. No one had ever been beforehand. I even gut-checked myself when we got back after having taken an 8-month hiatus back in 2017, telling myself that I didn't need to be here, dealing with her diabetes, while I held her wires and panties away from the toilet so she could pee during an admission to the hospital for DKA. And I'd said, no there was nowhere else I'd rather be. I could find someone else, but they wouldn't be her.

I'd spent those 8 months apart trying to plug a hole for something that was missing, and because of how bad our first 2 years had been, I came back guarded, not believing she was sincere this time - always with trust issues, that unfortunately were made worse by my Mick-like behavior during my first marriage, and really most of my life up until my 2nd wife came along. I tried hard to fight off the feelings of not feeling good enough or worth her. Even put myself in debt to try and prove my value. Something no one should ever have to do.

I tell myself this is for the best and necessary, to finally break free of the vicious cycle of mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse - on both sides really. I hate the man I've become whilst being with her, as all of what once made me me has been slowly taken away from me, and I need to reinvent myself all over again. But while most worst memories are tied up with her, so are my happiest memories, and that's what really truly hurts. Usually I'd go take a long road trip to go hiking somewhere to clear my head and sort out life, but I honestly have no motivation to do that this time. I have no motivation to do much of anything really. Bike riding is my usual every day solace, and I haven't done that in weeks. I don't even shower every day now. Eat at whim. She filed on Thursday, and Friday the judge approved it, with the official notice being issued on the 20th. Seven years ripped apart in just 24 hours. And all over a heated argument because we had had a half day of work on the Friday before Memorial Day and I needed to work another hour or so and she was looking to start the weekend. This was a regular argument actually every time a holiday weekend came.

There are so many reasons why it was never going to work. I try and tell myself that, as I'm entering a very dark stage, and I feel like I will truly never recover from this. I never wanted to be twice divorced. I never would have remarried in the first place if I thought there was ever a chance that we wouldn't make it. Didn't want to take a chance on marrying again if I didn't think I was finally mature enough to remain faithful to just one person, but for me, she changed all of that. And really, to her, I would always be nothing but a cheater, which is in itself an insurmountable mountain to get around. Usually I can find comfort in the Boys, but even they are not helping this time.

Rents have gone up significantly, and I can't afford most of them with all of my other obligations currently. I feel like I need to be near my folks for support, as I'm really in a vulnerable state these days, but I'm being forced to look out of state for a place to live, just due to the high, rising costs of everything. There's a lot of bad blood with my extended family, on both of my parent's sides, and really this website is the closest thing I have to a family these days (I'm an only child). I'd never burden my kids with any of this.

I know some of you don't really like me, or at least we don't see eye to eye always or often, but some of you I really look forward to your posts. And I'm on here multiple times a day checking for updates. I don't know where life is going to take me, what it will look like. The idea of stripping down naked with anyone else completely disgusts me at this point. I resolve that it's probably going to just be me and my dog, and my kids when they feel like coming to visit, or text me. It's just such a messed up world out there, and people don't value anything anymore. It's all fake phoniness and social media BS in a political spectrum run amuck. I fear for my future grandkids, and even what sort of person each of my kids might marry. For me, I'm done. I always wanted 50 years of marriage - envied those who could accomplish such a feat. But it wasn't meant for me. After 2 failed attempts, I won't do it again. My biggest fear in life is failure - it drives me at work, and in one of my biggest undertakings in life, I have now failed twice....for two VERY different reasons. And I'll never trust myself in a relationship again. And what's worse, I'll never trust another with my heart, to be so vulnerable and have my deepest secrets and fears/insecurities spit back at me as weapons. It's not worth the pain. This is how I transformed into the poor man's Mick in the first place back when I was a 16 year old boy.....Now I just want to lock myself away in a cabin in the woods and live out my life a recluse.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading this. It doesn't make it any easier on me, but it helps to get out some of my pain that I will box away deep inside.....

VL13

Good luck to you vl13!

Sounds like you've been through a lot. Be sure to make yourself do the normal, routine things you did before. That'll help a bit. Getting out in public in the daily grind, while frustrating at times, can ease depression. Feeling Good is a book that is more effective at treating depression than medication, and it's an easy read. You are appreciated and welcome here!

It won’t get easier, but with time it will get better. Don’t judge yourself by others opinions. Everyone and everything has a purpose. You’re stronger than you think. Take care of you and your kids

Dear VL13. Never say never and believe me, there is always a light at the end of the channel. Lot's of bad things happened, maybe only to make you stronger. Don't look back, try to make the best for your future. You've got children, a good reason to look forward.

Best of luck going forward VL, keep the faith and while you might not believe it right now, it's definitely possible that a better time is just around the corner for you. Don't give up completely on the past just yet, keep taking it a day at a time in the present and look forward to a future that has the potential to include much happiness and joy still to come in your life. Sharing your story must have been a hard thing to do but I would imagine it's an experience that all of us can relate to in some way. The IORR family is a caring and compassionate group so you are in good company for sure.

Thanks for the well wishes. It wasn't easy to post that - somewhat more so given the anonymity of online, but still hard to decide what to leave in, what to leave out. It's hard not to look back and ask what I could have done different. Usually I've been the rock upon which others have broken. I feel like I have given my all and just was met with so much apprehension, fear, insecurities that I lost all sense of who I was. I've thrown myself into trying to find missing items from my Stones collection, but it's unsatisfying at the moment having no place of my own, and at 46 living at my folks is not a permanent solution. And what's more, I also want to save every penny for a down payment on a potential house...Fingers crossed there.

I will check out that Feeling Good book, for sure.

thanks again,

VL13

VL13-First always enjoyed your posts and anyone who uses Voodoo Lounge as part of a screen name is A#1 in my book. Just wanted to thank you for taking the time to post that in a place where you felt safe to do so and with people you knew would care. I know that wasn't easy but hopefully you feel at least a tiny bit lighter. One day at a time my friend and as others have said, don't look back only forward. We're all rooting for our IORR "Brother".

Thanks TD. There are some good ones here. Most really - lotsa newer folks, and some just downright rancid ones LOL But there are a fair amount that I always look out for. Anyone with a 76 is A-OK in my book, too!

The '76 inst a coincidence, I also 46. Probably why we both like VL so much. Came out August 94 after High School graduation and right before Freshman year of College. I'll paraphrase something Jerry Garcia once said. For about 3 weeks in the Summer of 1967 the world was perfect, I just wish I would have known then that things would never be that perfect again. Not really a Dead fan but that always stuck with me because that is how I view the Summer of 1994. Perfect, but unfortunately I didn't know it at the time.

Yes, indeed. The world was in the palm of our hands, and we had it sculpted to just what we thought it'd be. Cocky as a high school graduate, ready to take on the world, overly thrilled at the prospects of college life, and raging hormones that VL just ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooozes on every note!!! A place in time that cannot be relived.

And I figured the 76 wasn't a coincidence. Usually it's got something to do with that wonderful Bicentennial year!!!!