A grasshopper wanders into a bar and the bartender says "we have a drink named after you..."

The grasshopper says "you have a drink called Murray?"

A man is shaving as his parrot yells, "You're gonna cut yourself! You're gonna cut yourself!" The man grabs the bird and throws him into the toilet and shuts the lid. A few minutes later the man's wife comes in to use the bathroom. As she sits down, the parrot starts yelling, "I told you so! I told you so!"

A baboon walks into a bar, wait, wait, .....Baboon, where you been?

Save a tree, Eat a beaver.

My girlfriend's not the sharpest knife in the drawer . . .
She thinks the English Channel is a cable station.

She & I aren't gettin' along, You see, I'm an earth sign, she's a water sign . . .
together we make mud.

Saw an in-flight movie the other day that was so bad . . .
half the audience walked out.

is dis ting on?

I'm here all week, try the veal.

Hear about the zoo that only had one animal?

It was a dog

Shitzoo



ROCKMAN

Rockman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hear about the zoo that only had one animal?
>
> It was a dog
>
> Shitzoo
>
> ROCKMAN


In fact I did hear about that zoo . . .

>Posted by: Manofwealthandtaste (IP Logged)
>Date: November 4, 2005 16:26

>A man decided to go to the zoo........but when he got there all they had was a dog.



>It was a Shitsu

What about it?

Wow...thanks camper88...didn't see that one



ROCKMAN

why did the pervert cross the road?

He had his dick stuck in a chicken.

Rockman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hear about the zoo that only had one animal?
>
> It was a dog
>
> Shitzoo
>
> ROCKMAN


Mmmmhmmm. And scientests have now breeded a Shitzu with a Bulldog. It's a Bullshit (Thank you Jim Carrey).

JumpingKentFlash

Two blondes walk into a building.
You'd think at least one of them would have spotted it.

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Osam Bin Laden has been arrested for sheep shagging! When questioned by police he said they were islams

guy goes to the Zoo, there was only one dog there, it was a Shitzoo

Oh no not that joke again...@#$%&' up our lives..



ROCKMAN

Why do they call PMS, PMS? Because mad cow was already taken.

What do Micheal Jackson and Caviar have in common? They both come on a cracker.

Oh shit, I didn't see that.....thrice!!!

From my daughter - what do you call a girl with 2 toilets on her head? Loo Loo!!!

What did the traffic lights say to the Zebra crossing? Don't look, I'm changing!!

From Lauren (worlds greatest 9 yr old Stones fan!!)

Dick Cavett: "I hear you tore a muscle near Baltimore."

Janis Jopin: "It was a lot closer to home than that, baby."

Her last television broadcast, Sept. 1970.

"The wonder of Jimi Hendrix was that he could stand up at all he was so pumped full of drugs." Patsy, Patsy Stone

what did the indian say when his dog jumped off the cliff?


Dog Gone

What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys briefs half off.

Save a tree, wipe you ass with a barn owl.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2005-11-13 15:00 by skippy.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; I quit because I couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it...

Don't you hate when your foot falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

I got a new microwave fireplace . . . I spent all night in front of the fire in eight minutes.

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said,
"Don't I know you?"

All of you who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

-- Steven Wright

A girl walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.

The bartender says "That's a fine looking pig you got there."

The girl says "It's not a pig, it's a duck".

The bartender says "I was talking to the duck".

She was only the generals daughter.............but she knew what regiment
get it! get it!

what's E.T. short for ?


























he's got small legs

andy js Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> > what's E.T. short for ?
>
> he's got small legs



Don't get it.

JumpingKentFlash

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?.....A: The bucket

She was only the lamplighters daughter..................................
but she went out every night !


apparently its the way you tell them!