An Italian Tourist in London

The Manager Y.M.C.A. Hotel
London, England

Dear Signor Diretorre
Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as younga man at yo hotella. When I comma in my room I see is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the recepcione and tella: "I wanna shit". They tell me: "Go to the toillett". I say: "No, no, I wanna shit in my bed". They say: "You betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch".

I go down for ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs and two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and pointa of toast: "I wanna piss". She tella me: "Go to the toillett". I say: "No, no, I wanna piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody fella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". Second person who do not even know me and calla me sonnawabitch!

What is sonnawabitch!?

Later I go for dinner into ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanna fock" and she tella me:"Sure everybody wanna fock". I tella her: "No, no, you don't understand me. I wanna fock on the table". She then tella me: "So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass out of here".

So I go to the recepcione and ask for the billa. I no wanna sta in this hotella no more. When I have pay the billa, the porter say to me: "Thank you, and peace on you". I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch".

I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, you sonnawabitch.

Sincerely,

Enrico Morelli

Sorry, I sent it sooner than I wanted by accident.
I just loved it, a teacher of mine sent it to us today and I wanted to share it.
No offence to our Italian friends of course, but it's just brilliant:-)

Very funny, smilingsun. Could be right for us spaniards, too!

[There'll be no wedding today...]

Thanks for sharing Martina, very funny to read!

Ciao, Smilingsun!

I'm italian, and of course I'm not offended at all by your post...this kind of jokes are very popular also here in Italy, and the one you've posted is very very funny!
Just out of curiosity: which subject does the one who sent it to you teach? You study italian?! Anyway, "Signor Diretorre" is uncorrect, you should have written "Signor Direttore"...

Ciao!

"got to be worked on
don't have no bark nor bite..."

First heard that joke eight years ago.
Back then it was an italian tourist in toronto.
The joke was written on a postcard.

Bruno - nice that you are co critical:-) If Spaniards speak English that way, I'm sure gonna have an interesting time in Spain... cause my Spanish is something like that so far:-) But I love it.

Ciao, Wild Sliwovitz. Well, I don't study Italian. Thanks for the correction, of course I didn't write it, just copied it. It's not a teacher of languages who sent it (but Public Administration, Public Policy...), but the strange thing is that he comes from Sicily I think, definitely from Italy. So I think he just overlooked the mistake, in spite of his perfectionism:-) He only sent it to us to see the "importance of proper English." :-) Ciao.

yes, he must definitely have overlooked the mistake; you know the town he is from? My father is from Messina, so I'm half - sicilian, and I've been living there for ten years...

"The importance of proper english"...so funny :-) !

"got to be worked on
don't have no bark nor bite..."

I don't know where he's from. But I've been to Sicily once, in Messina too. Don't know if it's possible to get to Sicily without going through Messina:-) (Well,by a plane sure:-). A beautiful piece of Earth. I would like to see it again sometimes. Definitely to see Palermo, which I didn't... Is it worth, what do you think? A bit dangerous perhaps:-)

Smilingsun,

as far as landscape and environment are concerned, Sicily is the best part of Italy, so it's definitely worthwhile to visit it. Yes, they say Palermo might be dangerous, but I live in an even more dangerous town, Naples, and I know that it is possible to stay in these kind of towns and avoid the danger...Palermo is beautiful, and also the rest of Sicily.

So, if you want to visit it and need some advice or help, as you can imagine I'm very well based over there, so feel free to contact me for that...You know, among Stonesfans we must help each other!

Cheers,

Derek.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2005-04-23 16:04 by Wild Slivovitz.

Thanks. I really loved the landscape. And the possible danger - still some Corleones over there?:-) (Just kidding).
Naples I've seen for only a while, anyway it seems an attractive place. Southern Italy really has it...
Cheers,
Martina