To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty QueenElizabeth II:

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David CameronDavid Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one)

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

This will go down well with the usual suspects!

LOL!

Nice one!!!

Somebody just give her a new iPod.

Oh Yeah, who's going to made us!

Ha-ha, real football. I love that one. That would upset a lot of Americans.

I read that years ago already, but it always pleases me, so much fun

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frankotero
Ha-ha, real football. I love that one. That would upset a lot of Americans.

When Americans come to realise that football (soccer) is God's favourite game and basketball and baseball are girl's games commonly known, respectively, as netball and rounders, then, then we shall have peace on earth...........



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2012-11-06 16:39 by EddieByword.

I'm American and I prefer soccer, uh-oh hope I didn't start a war. But I must defend our beers. Recently our brewing culture has taken a dramatic turn for the better. I'm very proud of that.

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frankotero
I'm American and I prefer soccer, uh-oh hope I didn't start a war. But I must defend our beers. Recently our brewing culture has taken a dramatic turn for the better. I'm very proud of that.

No...no wars, just a bit of fun..........

To defend our American friends a bit I must say that I'm not sure that a country without dentists should rule anything!

But the Queen is German.

The real King of England lives in Wales and his name is Rob.

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frankotero
I'm American and I prefer soccer, uh-oh hope I didn't start a war. But I must defend our beers. Recently our brewing culture has taken a dramatic turn for the better. I'm very proud of that.

So once you start using knife and fork the correct way we will considder visiting the United States of America under British Protection again
Just for the fun of it.

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Grison
I read that years ago already, but it always pleases me, so much fun

Just for the fun of it, why does it please you so much?

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2000 LYFH

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Grison
I read that years ago already, but it always pleases me, so much fun

Just for the fun of it, why does it please you so much?

As A Brit I would say: because it's true
As A Swiss I would say: we might be landlocked, but we know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-11-06 17:06 by GravityBoy.

I'm not sure if we ever have had weaker political leaders than we have now. I'm talking about Europe as well as North America. In Europe we are ruled by a bunch of circus clowns. One merrier than the other.

The Queen actually looks like a seasoned drag queen these days. Like a man in womens clothing. So, enough of spite for one day. Someone might feel offended...

Well I'm British and I'm not offended.

I never voted for the parasites.

Long live the Republic of Britain.

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TooTough

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emotionalbarbecue

A slight similarity here:

That's their "Mick jagger has just entered the buiding" look..................

A right pair of British bulldogs..............



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-11-06 17:34 by EddieByword.

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frankotero
I'm American and I prefer soccer, uh-oh hope I didn't start a war. But I must defend our beers. Recently our brewing culture has taken a dramatic turn for the better. I'm very proud of that.

Yep, America's got lots of great microbreweries.

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emotionalbarbecue

Listening to Obama's speeches on the Ipod he gave you?

David CameronDavid Cameron... that's an odd name, innit?

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Natlanta
David CameronDavid Cameron... that's an odd name, innit?

Why?

He's just posh.