I'm burying my dad today after a long battle with cancer. The last few weeks of his life were spent in a hospice & I was able to spend much time with him. I played a lot of music for him, stuff that he liked & or I thought he might like. Seemed to have a good effect. In the obit, I suggested memorials be made to the local hospice. They took real good care of him. If you have a few extra bucks around, a contribution to your local hospice would be very cool. Not the most glamorous of charities but they fill a great need. You don't realize until you have to use their services. Peace.

Sorry for your loss



Nate

CR, you did GOOD!


I went through it all with my mother. Her doctor wouldn't allow her to go to hospice...the bastard. YES! Music matters a lot. She listened to the Stones,
Dylan, Ella Fitzgerald and for the last few days all she wanted to hear was
Ronnie Van Zant; she's known the original Skynyrd and fed them many a home-cooked meal.

The other thing I recommend is the simple act of holding your loved one's hand. Wish I'd thought of it earlier in the process.

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stonesrule
CR, you did GOOD!


I went through it all with my mother. Her doctor wouldn't allow her to go to hospice...the bastard. YES! Music matters a lot. She listened to the Stones,
Dylan, Ella Fitzgerald and for the last few days all she wanted to hear was
Ronnie Van Zant; she's known the original Skynyrd and fed them many a home-cooked meal.

The other thing I recommend is the simple act of holding your loved one's hand. Wish I'd thought of it earlier in the process.

Ya, I did that. During the rough part the rest of the family basically bailed out. Dad had dementia at end & during last lucid time I told him it was ok to let go. He had been hanging on way past what the docs thought. I was with him whole day before he passed & again told him it was ok. No need to suffer anymore. He passed in his sleep, which was the best possible end. I'm glad I was able to be there for him. A chaplain told me he was very cognizant about me being there. Thanks to all for your good thoughts.

Sorry for your loss and I hope you find joy at the end of your grief. Kudos for your compassionate actions, especially in light of your family bailing out of the important end game.

I did some hospice work for a couple of years, traveling to terminally ill peoples homes and playing music and telling stories to try to ease some suffering. It was rewarding on many levels but also sad and difficult to see people who didn't have people like you around to care at the end.

More than once, after we'd finish a song, comatose people would wake up and comment or sometimes just smile or even cry. One old fellow who had been in a long coma and hadn't spoken for months croaked out "thank you" and then died. I was truly convinced of these people's hidden awareness regardless of their appearance of being unresponsive to their surroundings. I'm sure your Dad was indeed cognizant of your presence. Be well friend.

peace

CR, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your thoughts. We all either have gone or will go through this painful time, and your words are full of meaning and importance. God bless you for your love and care for your dad.

The funeral was pretty sad but I did sneak the audio of the song "Do You Realize" by the Flaming Lips into the service. I had played it for dad & he actually liked it. Its a beautiful song with totally appropriate lyrics. Some people were confused but I got complimented by others. Not the usual thing & not sad & depressing.

[www.youtube.com]

Condolences to you, I wish you strength! Music can be good medicine indeed.

CR, you are a good person to do what you did for your dad. So sorry for your loss.

My condolences crholmstrom...........love what you did for your dad

Sorry for your loss, fellow Swede. Take care. Grief takes time. (As I'm sure you're aware of).

Thanks to all for your kind thoughts. Think my footer on these posts sums it up pretty well.

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crholmstrom
Thanks to all for your kind thoughts. Think my footer on these posts sums it up pretty well.

Yes it does. It did always summed up very well in so many posts of you through the last years.

It is always a good reminder. And a 100% postive formel to live our lifes.

All the best from here to your father & you.

You are a good guy CR...sorry you had to go through that, and sorry for your loss.

Thanks to all for your kind thoughts & words. I had to do some really tough things the past few weeks & it is finally catching up with me now that I've stopped running. Going to lay low this weekend. My consolation is dad isn't in pain anymore. Not looking forward to estate battle (am executor) but will be fair. That will probably finish relationship with rest of family but I'm ok with that given their behavior during dad's last few weeks.

crholmstrom,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I recently lost my father to cancer this past February.

Your post from April 7th at 20:58 really hits home. I'm still mindfucked over it all.

Be strong and take care.

Thom

ps. Hospice, in my opinion, did a great job. Glad to read that they were a help to you too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2015-04-11 14:31 by MingSubu.

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MingSubu
crholmstrom,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I recently lost my father to cancer this past February.

Your post from April 7th at 20:58 really hits home. I'm still mindfucked over it all.

Be strong and take care.

Thom

ps. Hospice, in my opinion, did a great job. Glad to read that they were a help to you too.

Thank you, Thom. I am sorry for your loss & that you had a similar experience. Dad & I didn't have the closest relationship due in part to the other players (his wife & my sister) but I was there for him when he needed it. I know what you mean about the mind @#$%&. I have finally stopped running around & it is hitting. I think it is going to be a very quiet weekend. My friend who has been my support is out of town but we had a nice evening Thursday. Will be texting with her. I am being chill right now but some unpleasant truths are going to be told in the near future. Funny how the people who took everything were the ones who disappeared. I feel good about being able to take care of him but it has taken a lot out of me. Telling him that he needed to let go was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm the only one in the family who works & have been in the middle of a chemo cycle myself. I still managed to devote all the time possible to making dad's passage as easy as I could. Never said I was "too busy". I have no regrets about the past few weeks but it is going to take some time to heal. Thanks again, Chuck

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crholmstrom

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MingSubu
crholmstrom,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I recently lost my father to cancer this past February.

Your post from April 7th at 20:58 really hits home. I'm still mindfucked over it all.

Be strong and take care.

Thom

ps. Hospice, in my opinion, did a great job. Glad to read that they were a help to you too.

Thank you, Thom. I am sorry for your loss & that you had a similar experience. Dad & I didn't have the closest relationship due in part to the other players (his wife & my sister) but I was there for him when he needed it. I know what you mean about the mind @#$%&. I have finally stopped running around & it is hitting. I think it is going to be a very quiet weekend. My friend who has been my support is out of town but we had a nice evening Thursday. Will be texting with her. I am being chill right now but some unpleasant truths are going to be told in the near future. Funny how the people who took everything were the ones who disappeared. I feel good about being able to take care of him but it has taken a lot out of me. Telling him that he needed to let go was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm the only one in the family who works & have been in the middle of a chemo cycle myself. I still managed to devote all the time possible to making dad's passage as easy as I could. Never said I was "too busy". I have no regrets about the past few weeks but it is going to take some time to heal. Thanks again, Chuck

Stay strong Chuck...things will get better as you navigate through this.

So sorry .

It doesn't matter how old you are or what the circumstances, losing a parent always leaves a giant hole in your life. Take care of yourself crholmstrom, it does get better.

Thommy, take in as many Stones concerts as you can...your Dad would approve.