Hiya Simon. Its like the Following the River Video man.
the grass is not always greener but you know people
have to find that out for themselves..
I wish I could have kept my guy right by me
he trailed off into sleazyness and never to return
and went back to vodka and died months later. It
sickens me to this day what if what if what if...

Life is full of changes and twists and turns
Love changes too people grow and change and
want to discover that you don't know what you
got til its gone. I say, venture forth together
if at all possible.

Its harder to find a friend later in life nobody
seems to fit quite right. I hope you can stay together.
You have too much invested....

hugs for you Simon xx I know its very difficult

Thanks for all the messages - it means a lot.

We have really tried - I think the spark died quite a while ago and we've given many things a go. Maybe we need a break but it just feels right to do what we're doing. I'm sad at the prospect because I never dreamed it would end this way but I'm also positive about going forward.

ChrisM - the link to my band is on my signature.

Which brings me on to something else I sort of regret. For years I played in a band that wasn't up to scratch just because it was too easy to just keep going and doing the same gigs. Joining The Family and in particular learning pedal steel guitar totally changed my musical outlook. We do OK, we're playing at Bestival this year as well as one or two other festivals and we make music that I'm proud of. The songwriter is brilliant (and a great, understated guitarist) and the singer is a great front man - not the best singer in the world but sometimes I glance up from my fretboard and see him and think how amazing it is being in a band with him (and the others too!). I guess Ronnie must feel the same way sometimes!

Thanks for pointing out the obvious regarding the link Simon. Now go forth and play that guitar man!

sjs12, thanks for writing.
As someone else said you will most likely be in a better place soon, and yet you two will always be friends, I think.

I was married and divorced before I was your age, no kids though.

Im 49 years old with 4 kids from 4 different women. I am on my 3rd marraige and tonite my wife called me ''infantile'

All I could say was 'no sir! Im tellin!'

I have found that you must do 2 things when your marraige is almost done:

1) find another chick ASAP

2) hide whatever money you can

And yes.....it does get better

I can see no grass has grown under your feet Cafaro...

Having a relationship means going through doors every 6 years.
You fall in love.
You start to go together.
And then someday after your first years comes the first big door.
The next chapter is waiting.
The next chapter of your relationship.
But as you are at the end of your first chapter you are exhausted sometimes.
You have the feeling your love is gone.
And you fear that it might be over now.
But let me tell you, the love on the surface might be used up.
But the deeply love for each other is mostly still there.
Even if you can´t feel it in this very moment.
It needs a refrehment to come to full life again.
It needs fresh air to breeze through and get power again.
But to give this to your love you have to step through that door.
You have to push it open.
It is hard work.
But when you are through it you will see, and live the new chapter.
You both will enjoy it.
Getting a stronger relationship than ever before.
Discover the wonder that your love not only getting back to old power.
It will get bigger than before.
Wishful thinking?
No.
My wife and me are a together since 22 years now.
And we have been at situations like you now.
In front of those doors.
Push it open.
And you will see.

Have a good weekend.

Great metaphore, caschimann.

Quote
1962

Quote
Kurt
I usually don't like giving advice, but since you brought it up...

Harden the @#$%& up and do everything you can to save your marriage.
It is not too late.

Good luck.

I agree. Try it!
Good luck!

yes...seems like you've identified the areas of your life that need fixing..now try to fix them.
Your wife probably isn't perfect either..so maybe she'll understand if you talk with her
about your past, present..and possible future. If you are sincere...and begin to change (no more hangovers)
your credibility will skyrocket.

good luck Simon...at the very least your post should awaken some of us that need to
keep our priorities straight so that we focus on what is important to us and we don't
get sidetracked by (too much) booze & other regretful things.

The person that described life as chapters in a book is correct.
I've been married for 12 yrs (together for 16) and we had our first child last year...and I'm 46!!
I'm a work-from-home dad & the primary "caregiver" to our daughter. It's been exhausting, JOYFUL,
stressful, FUN, aggravating and definitely a NEW CHAPTER. It can definitely test the marriage at times
but..I try to remember that the tough days are bumps in the road and I keep my focus.

Your "bump" is probably bigger but hopefully you'll navigate it together.


IORR............but I like it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2010-06-12 21:22 by sweet neo con.

What this thread has brought home to me is how incredibly kind people are to each other. Especially when folks have their backs up against the wall. It's a fantastic positive vibe.

Simon I'm sure you'll get thru your difficulties.

I liken life to a hill that you have to climb. Some days it's a lovely gentle walk and other days it's like mountaineering the steepest rock face. However when I find myself on the rock face I look back over my shoulder and see my achievements and experiences (good and bad) laid out in the valley below and that always spurs me on to the nice gentle walk again.

NickB

You can't always get what you want.....

www.myspace.com/thesonkings

hope u don't mind the question but have you considered what you are, or may be, expecting out of relationship with a woman? what you really want, what you really want to give what you're capable of giving and receiving in relationship?

that kinda stuff. cause sometimes we sorta objectify what a relationship is supposed to do for US, what it projects US as, to our friends culture etc...

sometimes people happy without a hookup etc...i don't claim to know. but love with a woman who you like and is your friend and is esteemable and worthwhile and the mother of your children is a precious gift i hope you can appreciate. and allow yourself to receive. find what makes her spirit shine and happy and get tremendous satisfaction from giving that, being that to her, to someone, and living a life of love; even when it gets hard emotionally; sometimes the best times to really 'man' up and do some soul searching. i say this for YOUR sake. for the sake of YOUR life and YOUR happiness. and if im being too intrusive i'm really really sorry. every relationship runs into periods of individuation...every single one. whatever happens with you i am praying for your happiness just be the best dad ever ok. blessings....

Quote
Marhsall
Go get her back!!! you can't write shit like that and still not be in love!

So true.Very good advice. Try to pull yourself out of this! It looks like you have a lot good going on and frankly, you can still turn most of your regrets into achievements......I mean, you are only 34!!!

Live baby, live!

Sounds a bit "needy" to me

Quote
Cafaro
Im 49 years old with 4 kids from 4 different women. I am on my 3rd marraige and tonite my wife called me ''infantile'

All I could say was 'no sir! Im tellin!'

I have found that you must do 2 things when your marraige is almost done:

1) find another chick ASAP

2) hide whatever money you can

And yes.....it does get better

That's alright, I don't have any money left!

Quote
caschimann
Having a relationship means going through doors every 6 years.
You fall in love.
You start to go together.
And then someday after your first years comes the first big door.
The next chapter is waiting.
The next chapter of your relationship.
But as you are at the end of your first chapter you are exhausted sometimes.
You have the feeling your love is gone.
And you fear that it might be over now.
But let me tell you, the love on the surface might be used up.
But the deeply love for each other is mostly still there.
Even if you can´t feel it in this very moment.
It needs a refrehment to come to full life again.
It needs fresh air to breeze through and get power again.
But to give this to your love you have to step through that door.
You have to push it open.
It is hard work.
But when you are through it you will see, and live the new chapter.
You both will enjoy it.
Getting a stronger relationship than ever before.
Discover the wonder that your love not only getting back to old power.
It will get bigger than before.
Wishful thinking?
No.
My wife and me are a together since 22 years now.
And we have been at situations like you now.
In front of those doors.
Push it open.
And you will see.

Have a good weekend.

Beautiful!

Quote
mickscarey
Sounds a bit "needy" to me

Yes, I "needed" some advice and reassurance - and even to be questioned about whether what I'm doing was right. More than that though, I just wanted to sum it all up and tell someone not so much about the breakup but about some of the things I've enjoyed, some of the things I regret and things I still want to do.

And I'd still like to hear THOSE thoughts from other people. I kind of realised that I'd never really thought about life in those terms before and it did me a bit of good.

best wishes